a day in a non-sense cowpunk life

the farewell

2007-05-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

i'm closing this blog. i'm not going to delete my entries. that'll be like erasing more than a year of memories. i'm just not going to do blogs here anymore. i'm not gonna' stop blogging. i don't think i can stop because it's always the first thing i think of doing when i wake up in the morning. i'm just gonna' move it to somewhere a little private where i can get naked with my thoughts.

CiaO to the one or two readers of this blog. 'guess we'll just have to check up on one another through chat, eh? or text? :p Thanks for dropping by.

News Blues

2007-05-17T10:18:00.000+08:00

* Rico Blanco had left Rivermaya, the band will keep the name and is currently auditioning for a new frontman. Rico on the other hand will apparently pursue a solo career. Their last gig was the gig Nina and i went to in Metrobar (former Kampo West) last May 4th - The Metrology II with Pupil and Sandwich. That night seemed to be really momentous; Rico's energy was so high. Little did we know that it was actually his last performance with the band that started his career. The band that he fought sweat and blood for to keep in the midst of the local music scene crisis. He went as far as releasing a FREE Album, literally FREE due to the rampant piracy. (Source: BERNz & YG)

* there's a Pupil gig this Tuesday May 22nd at The Hard Rock Cafe. i don't how i am going to get out of that. i have work at 11:30pm, for the love of christ!

* There's a ChicoSci gig tonight at Saguijo. (so? lol i wanna see Mong again -deep breath-)

* I should learn to finish what i started (i'm referring ot the prev post, ugh..)

* Our team's outing in Tugegarao is going to be earlier than expected, maybe the first week of June. can't wait!

* The previous news is due to another outing which involves 4 teams, so that's about a hundred of us -- more or less, and the venue is ----> MANNGGOOOOO FAARRRRRMMMM!!!! i so wanna go there and chase pigs. ha ha ha

* It's my REST DAYS again. gotta' catch up on sleep. When my brother finally uploads the the rest of the Pics in Bohol, i might finish my previous post.. wee, excuses.. ningas cogon... ha ha ha

* From the Inquirer's Sunday Article, A Mother's Day Special -- Vicky Cayago, single-mother to Una Aurea Cagayo-Buendia reveals the bliss of motherhood... " The society-induced 'stigma' of being a single mom/parent...Being one gives you this strange urge to make every moment count to fill the absence of the missing-in-action parent. Spontaneity became my middle name. I'd rouse Una at the crack of dawn to sneak off to the beach and watch the sunrise, collect seashells and broken glass. We would hie off to book sales, splurge on cheap books, go to our favorite diner/fastfood outlet, and spend a quiet afternoon reading while munching on fries and nursing our Coke floats. On other days, we'd sit in our booth and make up stories about the people across us, or sketch their profiles on our sketch pads. I would make boring meals interesting by turning off all the lights, and we'd have candle-lit dinners while conversing in fake British accents. We would read poetry to each other in the dark using flashlights, sit on rooftops at sunset and wait for the first star, stay in our pajamas all day on lazy weekends doing movie marathons, drop everything and waltz around the kitchen floor to the Beatles' 'Here, There, and Everywhere', and name all our inanimate possessions. I filled her memory with countless rain dances, endless morning cuddling sessions, cereal-fests, and talking late into the night until we fell asleep in each other’s arms." Vicky Cayago, ageless, credit analyst

That's just so fuckin' Sweet Can i be your daughter? hahaha

The Bohol Hung Over

2007-05-15T08:57:00.000+08:00

(file missing) uh-Oh.

"high," still...

2007-05-14T10:40:00.000+08:00

Tuloy ang ligaya!!

snippets

2007-05-07T04:32:00.000+08:00

sunday. it's when we get a little laid back in the office. i try to catch some sleep in between calls. even spent my lunch time sleeping. but uh, i gotta keep myself up.. so let me tell you snippets of what transpired yesterday... uh, after my bro and o picked up our mother at the airport yesterday morning, we head to batangas right away. it's my grandparents' wedding anniversary. a lot of people came. mostly oldies. i met my gramp's only living sister for the first time! how cool's that? and then all the cousins took a picture together... while my Tita wept in the sideline... her favorite son died 2 years ago. maybe she was thinking, he could have taken that picture with us if he were alive---and all that drama. they still haven't resolved their personal demons yet. there were a lot of booze and music all around. the music was the most interesting part.. we definitely cannot relate. we've never heard those ditties before but the people seemed to know every note and lyrics of each song the band plays. it was like i was in a 60's party. hehehe. my cousin Donna's boyfriend was there. she was really busy looking out for him. and she powders her face every fifteen minutes. and our grandparents want us to settle down. unlike our parents. hahahah!

Last Friday, i went with Nina at the Metrology II gig in Metrobar. It was fun. really fun. i'm tired and iw anna go back to sleep so that's all i can say.

the Attack Of The Groupies, LOL

2007-04-26T10:57:00.000+08:00

**cough** **cough** my throath still hurts a bit.

i ditched work last Tuesday night. how am i going to take calls? i got no voice. ruined by the evil phlegm. and it's dry. so it was fucking hard to speak or even breathe. i went to the clinic that night, the doctor was asking to breath in and out.. and i think i was gasping.. so he put me on nebulizer.. which actually didn't help.. so he signed me up a clinic pas that i can go home and that i only go back when i'm well enough. much to my Supervisor's dismay.. there was nothing she can do when i handed her that clinic pass. i mean, come on..i can hardly breathe for christ's sake!

so i don't have work. i take like 3 meds every six hours. an antibiotic, paracetamol for the fever, and neozep non-drowsy for the clogged nose. man, that's like 1, 500 mg every six hours... 6,000 mgh per day! holy macaroni... the person i know who takes too much meds was hospitalized last week... my roommate. well, bahala na si batman.. i need to take this evil phlegm off my system!

i am currently reading: The Pilgrim, by Paulo Coehlo. The book By The RIver Piedra I Sat Down And Wept inspired me a lot that i have to buy another Paulo Coehlo book.. it ignited the spiritual being that was just sitting in the corner of my heart. his approach to religion is very contemporary and deep... a friend of mine tells me she doesn't like Paolo Coehlo because he sounds like a preacher. i think that's why you read books. you surrender to whatever things they say. the choice is always up to the reader: to either understand it or not. in the case of my room mate, she chose not to understand it. he he he...

Gig post: PUPIL and SANDWICH will be playing at Metrobar (former Kampo West according to Bernz) this May 4. tickets are sold for 400Php. expensive but i think it will be worth it. i mean, Sandwich and PUPIL rarely plays together on the same gig.. if they do, they play like 10 bands apart! hahaha! this time the only Other band is RiverMaya.. hmmm.. the feud is there. Raims looks a bit unresolved with it. well, who wouldn't? after the much publicized PULP interview. i wish i can go to that gig though. i've been bugging Bernz to go because if he goes i go. hehe. It's going to be the ATTACK OF THE GROUPIES!!! ha ha ha

Also, speaking of Sandwich.. they have a gig at metrowalk this Friday. Bernz is going so i am going... Weeee! can't wait! screw my thoath problem! ha ha ha

summer blues

2007-04-21T14:27:00.000+08:00

i am currently listening to The Dorques.

i think i'm sick. i can't take the heat. and there's no water at home. it's just so f*cked up. perfectly f*cked up. excuse my french.

i recommend you listen to The Dorques... i can't stop listening to them lately. but i admit, when i first saw then in Saguijo my ex came to my mind (cool, i can talk about him now .. hahah).. their vocalist was wearing this mexicano sort of hat.. and he was phat.. so... hahahah.. go figure. but it was so cool. my ex likes those mexican stuff.. especially the food..so... The Dorques also did a cover for Weezer's Sweater. only it was in french.. ha ha ha ha! and uh, he also liked Weezer.. i do too. so i love The Dorques. i don't make sense, don't i?

anyway, because it's so goddamn hot, everyone is rushing to the nearest airconditioned place. *sigh* i wish my place is airconditioned. maybe in the future.

"summer haze takes me back to those golden days
a black and white photograph
a captured moment of your laugh
sunny days eating ice cream
while i'm lost in the daydream
lingering seconds as our lips did part
did you really mean what you said at the start?
you made me laugh in your own ways
getting twited in the part with the happy mondays
i'm standing here with hardly anything to say
words just only get in the way
there's so much passion that we consumed do fast
how do i make that first kiss last?
i wanna go back to the eyes
the eyes that don't lie
murasaki blue
you were always true
i wanna go back to the start
where i was touching your heart..."

-Murasaki Blue, The Dorques

don't you just love that? it reminds me of Paulo Coehlo's book i'm currently reading: By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept. about childhood love. innocent and true.. which they came to realize after 11 years.

it's so hot! deym! i'm going to buy some slurpee...

summer blues

Life, lately

2007-04-18T09:01:00.000+08:00

- why do all good things come to an end? - narda may have disbanded, but i am still in the process of exploring their music. currently i've been listening to their Swerte EP. I think it's the best amongst their 3 other EP's. they have grown so much musically. if you compare their EP's with Discotillion.. their last and second album, the difference is massive but not in a POP way.. POP way meaning the SELL OUT way. bands usually have this trend of selling out, but NARDA? no trace of evidence of trying to sell-out.. i guess that's what being indie is all about. making music without trying to please the BIG BOSS. or the MASA for that matter. unfortunately, people have to leave.. some spirit broke.. things happen.. and there's nothing we can do about it..

- Layla and Jai, sitting on a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G! he he he! read jai's blog today in multiply.. he said he's going out with layla to watch Spiderman. coolness. i think those two are really good for each other. it'll be a shame if sooner or later they don't find themselves back together. i know Jai had been in pain without Layla.. if he comments to this post and say otherwise.. don't listen to him... ha ha ha! he may not admit it but i need not reiterate the obvious.. he loves layla more than anything else. i think he just needs to tune up a little bit. take away some pride and all...

- SPIDERMAN. i'm so excited. didn't reserve a ticket at IMAX because i'm going to watch it for FREE! if our scores scale up, we're going to watch the movie at about the middle of May... company's treat. how cool is that? huh?

- fuck, I WANNA DIVEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i miss the feeling of flying underwater... i wanna dive.

- my roomamate is in the hospital. kidney issues. she's now confined in Molino Doctor's Hospital in Cavite.. that's like 3 hours from here. too bad we can't go. :(

- my father's in town. so...

- Please visit my multiply site.. i think it's so neat.

- i am wishing and hoping and praying i can go to Bohol this May. i wanna get away from from here even for a while.

- ditched a date yesterday. i am sorry for what i have done ... err, sometimes?? hehe... it's just that i don't like dating anymore. i don't like meeting new people. unless it's only meant for friendship. i'd rather get drunk with my friends at 12 in the afternoon than get intimate with someone. Oh my.. this is a dilemna.

NARDAmageddon: And Huling Lipad Ng nARDA

2007-04-13T17:50:00.000+08:00

"Why do all good things come to an end?"
---i hear Nelly Furtado singin'.

The NARDAmageddon event last night, April 12, in Saguijo (Guijo, Makati) marked the last gig of NARDA as a band. "We are NARDA, signing off..," i remember Katwo telling the audience that last night (three times last night). One lister posted that it's a bitter sweet goodbye; and Ryan Villena (drummer)said it was a perfect disbandment. Katwo even joked on stage that they will remain friends after NARDA, they're not going to be like some other bands who ignore each other rightafter and be interviewed in PULP.. hehehe.. we all know who she's talking about.. What i couldn't forget on that event though was when Katwo cried while singing "Kay Lab..."

kay labo mo
kay labo mo
kay labo mo...
gusto kitang halikan
kahit ako'y iyong tinatanggihan
gusto kitang iwanan
kahit ako pa ma'y masasaktan
gusto ko mang sumayaw
ngunit lagi kang umaayaw
gusto ko'ng bumitaw
ngunit lagi kang lumilitaw
kay labo mo
kay labo mo
i captured a bit of that moment on video. check my multiply site.

And of course, who would forget the serenade? in the formika album, there's a song entitled Nico. Nico is Katwo's fiance.. and she said last night she wrote that love song for him.. it was her bandmates though who requested to name the song after the person it's written for... then she requested Nico to go on stage then she sang that song to him... it's really romantic. a *kilig* moment. ha ha ha. Before Narda grabbed their instruments to play their first set, they showed the video of Gasolina to the public for the first time, so it turned out to be a Video Premier as well. Hrmm, isn't it ironic? they are disbanding but they're launching a video?! he he he. Anyway, the video's good.

I think I agree with Ryan, they disbanded gracefully. perfectly. Although it may really be painful for them. i think Goodbyes are. Before The Dorques and Switch played i had Ryan sign the 4 Narda EP's i got... so i asked him what his plans ae after NARDA, he said he currently has 4 bands now so i just have to pick whichever one i like. he he he. oh well, i will always love nARDA.

so... that completes my nARDA experience.

Laughtrip: 300 film review by a Badinger-Z:

2007-04-08T06:25:00.000+08:00

300 film review by a Badinger-Z:

Di kinaya ng powers ko ang kahotness ng movieness na
itetch! It's raining men! (haleluya)! like go go go
mga anik anik at ang mga mudra mega taray ang haba ng
hair production number clothing designer eklavu
powerness! kaboom!

It's like go papa spartans! go delisyus fighting
karne! i get so weak on the knees i can't hardly
breath go go go! spapartans make bugbog the evil
persia! make warla the queen xerxes.

At antaray naman ng lolaaaaaa xerxes mooooooo!
nagmamaasim ang fingerlets ng hinawakan si spapartan
head papa! ang entrance pang vilma with matching solid
gold dancers itetch! with diamente ala maricel!
wiiinnneeeeeer! ang eye brows ha! mega shoot to the
stratosphere sa katarayan!

Ang warlahan ditetch daig pa ang rineregla sa dami ng
vlood! at ang nacut neck na cutie spartan...nag cryola
aketch! di kinaya ng emoticons ko ang death by
tamponess ng cutie spartan. huhuhu.

I'm sure proud si mother ricky dahil ang ganduuuuuuuuh
talaga ng movieng itetch. like super mega walang
halong chorva!

PERO LYER SILA! binilang ko ang mga papa...di umabot
ng 300. 127 lang ang mga spapartans! etchos!

------------------------------

HA HA HA HA HA

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!

Holy Friday Surfin

2007-04-06T18:41:00.000+08:00

i'm going crazy at home. too much silence makes me think of all sorts of things. crazy things. i look over my kitchen window and pretend i'm an assasin with a rifle pointing at my target down the corner. i know, i watch too much assasin movies. i need a good coffee... well, later.

...sufin, surfin, surfin...

- i've watched 300. fuckin' great movie. if you've seen it, you gotta' take a look at this goofy stuff that some crazy web-geeks came up with. it's really funny.

- hmm.. if you're a major pinoyrock fan, you must have heard of Radio Active Sago Project's new album. It's a kick-ass album, i tell yah. it's Awesome! click here for the Review!

- and oh, have you heard of MArkus Highway? maybe not. uh, Eraserheads maybe? MArkus was the lead guitarist of that dufunct band. and uh.. he's back in the music business. well, he wouldn't leave the pride of being one of the Eraserheads to the three guys --- because he was an Ehead too, so he should get some attention too. and to tell you the truth this one is my favorite Ehead. I'm all infatuated with ELy but MArkus' wit definitely amazes me. i read on a magazine once, Ely said on an interview.. MArkus (was) the Soul of the E-Heads. hmm, interesting. so uh, to cut it short, here's Video i found amongst many videos... he he... it's his new song RakEnrol. i have posted on some entry here the vid he independtly released in YouTUbe... but this one is different, this is the demo version... and the video shows a bunch of guys Surfing. weee. i wish this was clearer though. click Here to see the Video.

24

2007-04-04T11:17:00.000+08:00

i tried posting a blog on my Multiply site. but Uh, unfortunately it didn't work. some error of sort. that was a 3,000 and more character blubbery about being --- 24. i actually liked it. no, i Really liked it! it's a little disappointing that Multiply didn't cooperate. Oh well, I'm back to my Blogger.

someone that got away

2007-04-01T15:02:00.001+08:00

i was flipping through Ge's blog. my crush's GF and i found this. Ugh, it's.. it's.. it's so cool.

=======================================
someone that got away

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.....

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you've become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you couldbe in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.
You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is the biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life. If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it.Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens... Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing. But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

Source: The Manila Times By: Mark J. Macapagal

=====================================

Tissue, please... ha ha ha ha!

:D

SunbuRn!

2007-04-01T14:12:00.000+08:00

it's Summertime Ageyn! before the whole summer shebang there's holy week and before holy week apparently there's my birth day which is oddly not worth talking about.. ;p

i have a new profession. i'm an official local indie bands stalker. hehe, i just thought of that when u was chatting with ron. and speaking of ron, he's a cutie and he's getting married to the love of his life... sweeetness! hehe. and oh, i have a new crush. however, while i was stalking him, i saw this picture of him and his gUrlfriend.. smooching. eeewww. pathetic! ha ha ha! chaii is jealous. anyway... he calls himself Eggboy. check out his music on my My Multiply page stangely named: death by biopsy (y so? long story). the Music Playlist is not named Eggboy but named Pedicab. he is also from Monsterbot, which is one of my favorite band and Cambio too, he has a total of 5 bands. Well, i saw him at the Tikam Ang Langit book launch. he looked lost in the middle of the crowd 10 minutes before this chic from Prettier Than Pink started playing. and it was love at first sight. i think. and i thought i heard someone say, to cure love at first sight, take a second closer look. ha ha ha ha ha! now i think i am pathetic.

so boys and girls. let's have fun this summer. watch this video from Sandwich - SUNBURN! he he. this is one of my favorites. you can definitely feel the summerheat just upon listening to this song.

shredding.. shredding.. shredding..

2007-04-01T10:18:00.000+08:00

BIG TUMMY but not a MOMMY

2007-03-28T08:24:00.000+08:00

something happened today. i don't know if i should laugh about it or cry about it? one thing's for sure though, my officemates had a hell lot of laugh from it.

it was lunch time. i went to the pantry by myself because James and Adrian opted to smoke first because they eat. this caterer or server.. however you call her, she had this mouth mask on... because of course she was serving food... i was like "ate yun saken oh.."(pointing at the food) then i vaguely heard her ask "ilang buwan na po kayo?" i answered "six months," i thought she was asking how long i've been employed in DELL, until she commented "ang liit pala ng tiyan nyo pag nagbubuntis... " i was like "putanggina! ate hindi ako BUNTIS!" ha ha ha! and this guy from tech support overheard us, he said "ate napaka-harsh naman nyang tanong mo.." i said.. "oo nga.. si ate talaga.." i think my face flushed right then and there... I asked myself, IS THIS BIG TUMMY SITUATION THAT WORSE??!!" i was laughing about it but at the same time i'd like to tell her.. "Ate, gusto mo masaktan?!" ha ha ha! So i told my officemates about it and they were laughing until their stomach hurt...

Katwo's CHANGES...

2007-03-25T04:36:00.000+08:00

whow, i just don't sleep, do i? ha ha ha! i've been in front of this PC for 5 freakin' hours now. fidgeting and looking for interesting things i've missed since i was thinking of work all the time.. ugh.

so look what i've found.. Katwo's statement about NARDA's break-up.. and oh, i've included Katwo's blog on my links too, check it out.. (=

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changes, changes, and more changes. Mar 8, '07 7:00 AM

according to the fire pig's feng shui forecast for me, this year is about changes, massive ones that will shift my life, and all that i have to do (to at least avoid harboring the evil intent that underlies my luck) is to realize it and brace for it. i have been purposely avoiding emails, yms and journals for the past week because, for one, narda is disbanding. i guess everyone's spoken up about it except me. to be honest, i really don't know what we're doing. tani and chuckie - i think, are very upset, hurt and surprise by the seemingly sudden approach to breaking off the band. i'm getting terribly guilty on the fact that nico's efforts on making a video (molotov - the black and white version which is supposed to be airing now) and creating a wonderful album cover are now in vain, parang lost investment na rin. narda has been such a great experience for me, it has taught me so much about life and about who i am. and yet the end seems so bittersweet. and i've been looking back for the last week, and asking myself - what the hell went wrong? then i have a theory - some bands form because of a strong friendship before the music. narda existed because we wanted to play, friendship happened along the way. everyone, except for ryan, auditioned for a role to play. it was his baby, it was really his band. and i respected that - kasi he had a dream and he went on and did something about it. without him believing in me (and sacrificing certain relationships with other band members in the process), i won't stand a chance thinking that i could front an awesome band, or enjoy life in rock and roll as much as i do. i guess it was also my passion and ambition for a rock and roll dream that made me loyal to this dream, until eventually it became our dream. it was always music before friendship, and the others, i guess, didn't last enough to realize that some friendships get tried and just like wine, gets better with time.

and now, i see ryan getting tired, disillusioned and betrayed with yaps quitting on us, the damn boy didn't realize he was such an important person who held the team together, and why - kasi ok lang na humirit siya pero kung hiritan siya di niya kaya. yaps didn't even know how much ryan fought for him, and i will not apologize for calling that kid ungrateful, at the least, and he repays him by being immature. some groups, bands, communities thrive on democracy, narda has always been autocratic in a sense. sometimes when there are too many voices, too many choices - nothing gets done. i remember the jet lee movie where he was supposed to kill this emperor but at the last minute he decided against it cause he saw that the emperor was gonna unite china - i saw the beauty that, in some cases, - IT MAKES SENSE TO SACRIFICE YOUR OWN AGENDA for the good of all, as long as the dictator is benevolent, things make sense. respect and compassion are traits of a good leader, sa japan nung may mga samurai pa, the bushido code specifies that if you are a compassionate leader people will be proud to bow down and be obedient to you. and i've always been that to ryan, that i took his side, and been loyal to him and proud of it and stood by his decisions, even if it hurt me or it underminded me at times. but that's what it takes to be a good team, and sometimes things that i was against before - turned out good in the end. so why the hell this litany? because it hurts me to let go of narda, and yet to see my partner tired and gasping for air and losing interest in his passion hurts me even more. we've released music and entertained until we bled our body, soul and hearts, and yet - to both ryan and i, the NARDA in us is tired with disappointments, broken promises, immature behavior, betrayals and the lack of big label support to be played on the radio - whoever s/he is wants to retire while s/he's on top.

also, 5 years na rin. i would love to take some time off to get married, fix things with my family, just really focus on 27+20, reconnect with friends and take tai-chi sunday mornings (like wake-up not after lunch). i do want to resume narda, if ever the chance comes along, but only with a major label backing, after all - narda deserves that - at the least. then, there's duster and several collabs with other artists that i am looking forward to.

i am heartbroken yet relieved, and grateful for changes.

Katwo of NARDA
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Spread the LUBE

2007-03-25T01:58:00.000+08:00

Eggpie Dashwood dropped by the ML today. he asked to spread the lube.

RaKenrol!!!

but wait, there's more!

Lookie! see if you can find me on this video... :p

and there's a whole lotta' MORE! he he this one taken at the Tikman ang Langit Book Launch. i wrote about it here somewhere on this blog... **rolleyes** Markus joining CAmbio for a bit.

and oh, out of topic.. here's a link to a PUPIL gig which i attended last year.. it's not on youtube so.. here's the link to the video (Dulo Ng Dila by PUPIL in Saguijo)! this brings back memories.. and deym they're hot!

more of The Bitter Pill

2007-03-25T01:12:00.000+08:00

I had probably tried every search fuckin' engine... i couldn't find songs from The Bitter Pill other than the two songs i've already heard. Anyhow, the song You and Me still haunts me. i can hear the song playing on my head all the time for chrissakes... "if it works i guarantee to solve the mystery, but at this rate it might be late so crack a smile for me.. Oh, it's a mystery you and me.." Now i gotta see them! i gotta' see them! i gotta see them Play! i've been flipping every gig-sched sites but there's fuckin' none... so uh... imu' have to settle with the 2 songs i got.

Here's a nice picture taken in Saguigo which i grabbed from their mailing list. There's Diego in Pink Shirt, Mong - looking cool without even trying and that guy from Join The Club (i think?) right behind the drums, Err above? he he.

Yup, i joined their mailing list. i even found Mong's biggest fan there, Shen... (that's her on that picture) weee! she was that girl i went to the NU rock Awards with. She stalks him. ha! ha! ha! nah, she loves Mong so much. she told me her grades got a lot, lot better when she became a vampire. hmm.. i wonder if i will get promoted if i become a vampire too.. he he of course that's silly. anyway, i miss this gurL.

can't wait to bLog? NoT!

2007-03-22T09:31:00.000+08:00

the bitter pill

i am dying to hear more music from this band. one of the super-group as they call it. composed of Mong Alcaraz whom i'm so infautuated with, Diego Castillo - deym hot! Mikey Amistoso (Ciudad), Isa Garcia (Cousin Ed) whom i saw a few months ago in in Rockwell, and Pao Santiago of Join the Club. I have been googling thi band's official website in between calls and i couldn't find a decent one which has the basic information about them. so i enetered the band's name plus Mong Alcaraz on it and voila! they have a yahoogroup and a myspace account! too bad both are blocked from the server.. but i did found tidbits of information from blogs and other articles that managed to include slight elbow-brushing experience with the band. the song you are hearing (if you didn't turn the player off) is You and Me. I spent an hour looking for their songs. i found only 2. YOu and ME and JOPET. but apparently they also have this song called the Devil Makes Three. haven't heard it yet. my hunt is still on for more trivia and music about the band.

kape, yosi at internet ngayong gab-e

2007-03-19T04:34:00.000+08:00

it's almost 5. it's another monday morning. i can see the traffic from where i sit. hmmm... in my hometown at this time of the day you can hardly see a vehicle running. maybe just a couple. it's only 4:35 am Rotonda is buzzling. i'm at my favorite internet shop. this is my favorite because it's cheap, airconditioning is great, it's safe, internet connection is fast, and people mind their own business! :D so i can watch porn vids and no one careS. ha ha ha!

i've been up all night, i noticed. not that i don't want to go home, it's just one of those times when i want to be alone in a crowd. i didn't go malling though, obviously because they're all closed. i just went to BlueWave last night. drowned my spirit in coffee and cigarettes. what would i ever do without those two? Hrmm.

Mitsa

2007-03-19T04:00:00.000+08:00

ako.. lagi lang ako.. lagi lang ako.. ngayon ako Muli...

he he he. me copy+cat.

Pantalon

2007-03-15T10:49:00.000+08:00

have i told you i am pnow addicted to NARDA? no not the song, the band!

There's this one song that keeps playing on my head.

minsan kahit sino ka man
pinanganak kang nakahubad
nabagok sumusubok
naglakad kang nakayapak
kung masikip tanggalin
nag-iiba nag panahon
nalulunod agad ang mga bata
hubarin ang pantalon
mahahanap kaya ang... (don't understand the lyrics here)

dati sinabi mo na
maayos ang lahat
bukas pag nag-iisa
gugulong ang iyong luha
kung masikip tanggalin
kung masikip tanggalin

nag-iiba ang panahon
malulunod agad ang mga bata
hubarin ang pantalon
mahahatak kaya ang
hubarin ang pantalon

that's the lyrics that i managed to understand. hahahahah!
uhm, i don't have a point really. the song just reminds me of my favorite pair of jeans that had already rested in peace last Monday because it doen't fit on my hips anymore. Uh-huh, that's how worse my weight problem is. i'm loosing my favorite thing. **sniff*sniff** all my friends are really worried now. =( i'm worried i'm going to run out of clothes. HRmmMm... time for shopping! weee!

oh dear. the past week and this week.. i've been to hell and back. work is so fuckin' tedious. i've shaken Hands with the country Manager because i WOWed a customer. hehehe. i'm pretty proud of that but that got me shaking to the bones because the BIG BOSSES were walking around me while i was taking calls and --- i was wearing slippers!!! hahahahahah!!! Michelle, my officemate was like, "oh my god girl they're looking for you, apparently one of your angry customers escalated their issue to Michael Dell..." however she was smiling so that was suspicious. hehe. And Jack Madrid (former management director of MTV) went back because i got a Green Alert! that means that the my Audited call was commended by the auditor. he said, "i think i'm getting used to going to this post... "

oh well, that's all folks. i'm hungry. my officemates are waiting for me to log the computer off. yosi and go home. sleep chaii SLEEP!

NARDA BANDA

2007-03-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

my fascination for this band came quite a bit late. i happened to stumble upon their songs in multiply while i was browsing for stuff to put on my cheap 512Gb flashdrive. I downloaded Formika, their first album, which came after 2 EP's. it's easy to listen, lotsa synth, raw guitar, plus a kick-ass vocals. They've been around for about 5 years now. Ryan Villena (drummer) according to Wikipedia is a remnant of Tungaw. and there's Tani Santos the guitarist who replaced Wincy (whoever he is) is an active lister. The vocals is Katwo - cute name. Their influences according to their MYSPACE Profile are yeah yeah yeahs, sleater-kinney, le tigre, morningwood, sounds, ladytron, bikini kill, bis, bratmobile, the cure, franz ferdinand, the strokes, sonic youth, new order, etc..

I hate writing about facts on this blog. anyway, my first and most probably be my last encounter with NARDA in flesh was last year at the <5> lister's night in Saguijo. I remember i was a bit mesmerized watching Katwo with her megaphone shouting in a good tune, with those thick eyeliner and black boots, jumping like a pop-corn on a hot pot. really cool. i think rightafter then i added them up on my yahoogroup list. but i never opened until recently when at the height of my fascination Bernz told me they're disbanding because of these 3 main reasons: 1) their name is now a POP song more popular than them 2) the frequent change of line-ups (apparently they're getting tired of teaching every new member that comes along when someone leaves) 3) LESS breaks or opportunities. oh bugger. how sad. you can't really miss to appreciate their music when you hear it.

I have here a nice video of the band which i got from Narda's Myspace. Narda performing "Motolov" off their 2nd album which i heard is far more edgier and better - Discotillion. You can also visit them in their Multiply page if i got you really curious now. (;

BeMBanG HiBanG

2007-03-11T13:52:00.000+08:00

""Sana'y hindi na lang pinilit pang wala ring patutunguhan kahit sabihin mo pang mahal kita..nalulungot,nayayamot,nabubugnot hindi ko pa yata kaya pang laban ang damdamin ko..Hindi ko pa yata kaya pang labanan ang damdamin ko REBOUND mo lang pala ako"" - BeMBanG HiBanG delacruz

i was just browsin' someone's friendster when i found this qoute. funny.

Sweeeeet!

2007-03-07T13:21:00.000+08:00

- these are my new favorite local bands: (1)DRIP and (2)HEMP REPUBLIC i downloaded each of their first albums. i'm current enjoying it.

- additional workload. and it's getting harder. now we actually have to call customers back. we have to do follow-ups and all that. we have this tool that organizes those stuff. the problem is, i have like 5 trackers i should fill out before i can go home everyday! how stupid is that. but it's fun.

- my mother's in town. oh no.

- xuxu's in town as well. she's carrying the waves with her. this morning she was asking if i know where Nasugbu is. obviously, i was born there. i'm not so familiar with the folks along the seaside though because my grand parents were not fishermen, they worked in the rice field.

- nothing much to say.. i'm starting to the hols o fthis site. and starting to like some other. god tell me i don't have to start anew again. i hate doin' that.

- my birthday's near. so uhm.. how many group of friends do i have to treat out? ah, 3. **think** i'll be bankrupt right after i'm sure. maybe i'll just sleep... bah!

- Lian's fiesta is near! wee! and we're goin to Puerta Gallera on the 23rd Sweeeettt!

ta-ta.

Remembering the early days

2007-03-04T18:00:00.000+08:00

if you've read the Tikman ang Langit book, you'd want to watch these videos over and over and over again...

Taste The Heaven (book launch)

2007-03-03T15:10:00.000+08:00

without the lead head

Okay. **sigh** i don't know how to start my story. Actually, now that i've thought of it -- there's not much a story in here. only emotions. only reasons for these emotions. i've loved the E-heads almost all my life. I was one of the youth whose lives were greatly influenced by the music they shared (and milked from). when the band broke up -- I've only known of a few people who has the same opinion about it as i am. that it's bound to happen and there's just nothing we can do about it. i just didn't expect it to be this sad that on the day the devoted fans get a moment to express their love for the them one has to be somewhere else. i mean, come on. although i understaND THAT he have these grudges, i totally understand him. feeling betrayed by your best friends is totally devastating. but still -- i am saddened by his absence.

however, the show went on without the lead head, anyway.

the Markusian Delight
the fans were delighted. i was delighted to see Markus. y'know what i bought the American Gurl cd with Markus' signature on it. a friend of Schizo who went here just for vacation sold it to me. apparently he was the official distributor of the CD in the states. really now? i totally think it was a rip-off. but i bought it anyway for 200P. he initially said 250P, the hell? there were only 6 songs! but at the back of my head i was thinking: i'll sell my blood for it. hehehehe. well what i'm driving here at is this - in the book launch Markus played second to Lei of Prettier than Pink, he sang all of the songs in that EP. he also played a couple of Eheads ditties. he have this flamboyant guitar skill, he was so freakin' good. it's as natural writing on a paper. it looked that easy for him. and it sounded so good. i think i'm repeating myself. :x

here comes the cosmic gUrl
after Markus' last song, he commented he has to stop because Raymund had finally arrived and he's late; Cambio is ready to play. so this cosmic gUrl -- dressed in something that looks like a shirt and a skirt in one went up . i'm confusing you. i'm not so good at describing things y'know. bear with it. anyway, she was also sporting a curly hair with a bang plus a big yellow-rimmed sun glasses. her red doll shoes were worn out and dirty but it looked quite good on her. of course i couldn't NOT recognize her, she was the gUrl that replaced ely when he left the band. i remember during an interview before, when the three heads were asked WHY her? they say because she's COSMIC... that's Kris Gorra-Dancel. She sang songs off their new album that's coming up --- very easy to listen to. then they played Magasin. that was when this Comic gUrl summoned Markus to come up on stage. she said she's not worthy to be at the stage and she should be right with us, watching the 'heads play because she's apparently a fan as well.. she ended that monologue with an "oh well, here i am now..." hehe. whatever. anyway, when Markus came up, the only lyrics he let out was "hindi ko na alam ang susunod.." or something like that. it was funny. i found what a happy quirky person Markus was. When Robbie (their former manager prior to Ann Angala) was talking in front he was like making ZZzzzZZzz noises with a mic. but he's nice. he must have missed those golden days. people were mobbing them after the set. but Markus was so game to be mobbed. i think he enjoyed it. hehe. when Bernz came up to him to have his book signed he wrote Buddy instead of his name, hehehe.. that was because he was answering some interview for INQ7 at the same time. he was being interviewed by that chic on the picture above. she's from Inq7 i presume because she posted that picture in this article (<--click here for link).

the Book
i've read the book page by page. personally, i think i could have done something better. that's just my opinion --- being a total heads fanatic myself. i mean, they should have solicited articles from Jim Ayson, Schizo, Jeng Tan of the former Kelt's Kross(raims's ex-gf), Ann Angala (former manager), and some more people who were once a part of the heads' world during their glory days. but then again, that would be too much for media to feed on. he he he.

can't wait to blog

2007-03-01T09:43:00.000+08:00

uh-huh. i can't wait to blog.

- went to the TIKMAN ang langit booklaunch in Powerbooks Greenbelt. met up with Bernz (never failed to sweep me off my feet.. he gave me a cd of eheads' RX session) and Nina. Met new friends... Timmi - the gurl who went there because apparently she was inspired by her cousins - something of that drama. Also met Julius - no comment. hehe. Also got to meet Leigh. a hardcore <5> lister. and Tani, where art though is Tani? didn't talk to him but i planned to 'cause i need a Revolver shirt.

- anyway, it was fun. details when i have the time.

- sleep is a stranger to me now. damn.

- Chris Padilla noticed me in the ML. waaaaa!!! "he said let's hang out some time... take care..." oh freak! i'm super infatuated ! i can't take him off my head! is this love? is this love? is this love? so there he is now --- on my desktop's wallpaper... hehehe

- i enjoy listening to Chillitees these days. the band who made me doze off in Saguijo before now makes my day complete... next week i'll be listening to NARDA. they're also good.

Life is a Highway

2007-02-25T14:56:00.000+08:00

- Radioactivesagoproject launched their 3rd album in Saguijo last Feb. 16, 2007. Demmit it was a fuckin' Friday, i had work. So now, that's on my list of TO DOWNLOAD mp3's TANGINA MO ANG DAMING NAGUGUTOM SA MUNDO FASHIONISTA KA PA RIN! is the title of the album. Hrmm..

- TIKMAN ang Langit BookLaunch will be on Feb 28, 2007 3pm POWERBOOKS Greenbelt. The 3 heads will be there: Raims, Markus and Buddy. I'm so excited. I can't wait to read the book.

- i love HILERA. they're on my links now. Weee! And i think i've made a little mess on their mailing list. ha ha! i don't care. i love 'em. Raar!

- So uhm.. i'm here on an internet cafe. dancing on my seat, listening to Kung Ayaw Mo Na Sa Akin. I love the song.

- I've joined the Eraserheads Mailing List again. the topics were all about the TIKMAN ang Langit book launch. they've read the book.. those eheads freak. **rolleyes**

- Hrmm.. i''m not eavesdropping but i am overhearring people here talking about HOPE. err, a cig?!? how is HOPE related to Kris? **think** Kris smokes HOPE?

- Yesterday and this morning Jasvil (my roommate) and I did nothing but sleep until our head hurt. hehe. while in bed this morning i bugged someone to accompany me buy something in some market i can't name... he was very hesistant at first because apparently he's broke and he's a hundred miles away... however my sweet charm ruled so he managed to hitch a ride just to get to my place and when he was 15 minutes away from my place i went - "Uh.. i'm going out with my cousin.. sorry." tsk! i'm a bad girl. i'm a really really bad girl. hahahaha.

- my mother is coming over next, next week.. she and her girl friends will go to Baguio. She wants me to go along. but.. there's a climb scheduled that weekend. This is becoming a trend. everytime there's a climb, something comes up. urgh. what do i choose: my mother or the climb? THE CLIMB. lolx.

-Election! election! election! 'the hell do i care about election.. it's the same shit. the tube is flooded with politicians doing silly dancing and singing. if someone will do a cartwheel on t.v. maybe i'll fuckin' vote for him. ha ha

Life is a Highway - Markus.

the sugarfree fan

2007-02-25T14:06:00.000+08:00

i'm a sugarfree fan. and currently the song Kung Ayaw Mo Na Sa Akin is probably my Song of the Month. and this video. oh i love the video. it's funny. the only thing i hate on this video is the silly dancing. but nonetheless, it's fucking cool.

Kung ayaw mo na sa akin/di na kita pipilitin/kung buo na ang loob mo/bahala k ana sa/buhay mo/di ako desperado/sa walang kapantay na pag-ibig mo./Sa mga halik mong/walang kasing tamis/tubig ako at ikaw ang langis/Kung hindi ka na babalik/Araw/araw na akong gigimik/Kung malayo ka na ay malaya na ako/Ngunit ang /kahapon ko ay bihag pa rin/ng alaala mo (nakanang!)/Kung ayaw mo na sa akin/di na kita hahabulin/medyo bata pa naman ako/may mabibighani pa sakin siguro/kung ayaw/mo na ako/leche lalong ayoko sayo/Alam mo naman kung san ang bahay ko/baka/sakaling magbago/ang isip mo please

strung and hung

2007-02-23T12:36:00.000+08:00

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star To pray on, or wish on, or something like that I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances Were approaching to be grabbed But as it came down near, so did a weary tear I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb Looking for a little hope Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine, And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said 'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
But he didn't get it I thought he was a man But he was just a little boy Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills 'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love - Paper bag, Fiona Apple

typically boring

2007-02-21T10:14:00.000+08:00

my plan for today's blog was supposed to be about the TOP 5 people who influenced my life. i changed my mind. i am currently in the process of re-evaluating my life, (err.. when does that re-evaluation ever stop?! - hehe) i won't be able to give a good judgment of things.

now what should i blog about? HRmm.. i don't know. i remembered last week i chatted with gibs in YM.. he asked how i am doing, i answered "nothing much. life is typically boring." so i ask myself, is my life typically boring? evidently i speak before i think, right? hahaha! well.. it shouldn't be. i always receive forwarded messages that asks me to count my blessings not my misfortunes so i'll be happy. and honestly, i do what they say. i'm not so demanding, really. but then, why do i say my life is boring? i love my job.. i love the pay as well. i'm free to go wherever, i burn my lungs anytime i feel like doing so... but what's missing? what makes me happy? or maybe the question is - AM I REALLY unhappy? or is it just a little screw loose in my head? maybe that's why the movie said Happiness has to be pursued... because it's not an everyday feeling. it's not being at a state of satisfaction. what the hell.. go watch that fuckin' movie so you'll know what i mean.

the only thing i noticed though is that the past is like my body hair. you cut it down but its root is still there and it grows all the time.

what's up

2007-02-17T11:54:00.000+08:00

- there's tension on the floor. people backbiting each other. people telling lies. Adrian was pissed; for the first time he asked that we go on YOSI break outside before we eat.. normally i'd have to drag him out to have a YOSI break. a war is brewing and I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF IT!!! we're going to Enchanted Kingdom this Saturday. I hope no one ruins that day.

- where the fuck is Angel? she fuckin' told me we were to meet his NEW boyfriend. hahahahahah! hmmm.. i'm eager to eat in Italiannis!

- i bought a 512Mb flash disc. i downloaded songs in a flash! (at the office of course)

- i think i have a sleeping disorder now. or maybe i just don't like sleeping at all anymore. i feel like i only sleep because i have to. i like being awake. hrmm.. or maybe i just think too much of the things that had happened. i know i need to go forward. the past is like an ugly monster i don't need to see so i have to turn my back from it. then again, it's easier said than done.

- i bought a dvd copy of the SMALLVILLE season 6. it has 10 episodes. i wonder how many episodes more i haven't watched. but it's so freakin' cool! Green Bandit is there. he happened to be Lex's mortal enemy when they were in High School. and Lana... and Lex.. are sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. WB had granted some people's wishes. demmit. Lex is hot though.

- i also bought a dvd copy of STAR WARS episodes 1-6 with the 3 NARNIA flicks. i've finished watching episodes 1 and 2 of STAR WARS. i'm about to watch 3 when i get home today. i've watched it before, but i'm a BIG FAN. "Watch it over and over and over again, I will..."

- i wonder what my agenda would be tonight.. Hrmm..

Introducing my co-workers PART-1 (because i'm bored under my skull!!!)

2007-02-17T10:17:00.000+08:00

first off, uhum-uhum... let me ruin your apetite...

that's me in my station, taking calls.

Darls and me. That's Darlene right there. it was my lunch break i had nothing to do. So i kinda' bugged her while she was on a call. Well.. i bug all my officemates, even those that are on the other teams.. hehe.. this is my favorite spiel: "may yosi ka jan?" and they'd go.. "Adikk!!!" or "an' taba taba mo na..." Grr...Anyway, i think i was bugging her about her date last valentine's day at this point. she shooed me away of course, after i took the photo. hehe.

That's myself, James and Cel. James is my Case Manager. he's queer. he talks about his sex life a lot. he said he and his boyfriend have sex everyday, after the shower or sometimes while taking a shower. one day he showed us their sex vids.. i wanna puke man. he's a very erotic person. and he's proud of it. hehehe. he's definitely cool. however one time, he was talking to a customer... we were all listening because he was using flowery words. We got curious...So he asked the customer "Is Adrian corteous?" his Corteous was pronounced in pinoy accent - kor-chus.. something like that... the customer was like.."What?!? I can't understand you.." he repeated the word several times until the customer finally got it, then customer went "Oh Corteous.." and we were laughing so fuckin' hard i thought my stomach would burst. hahahahahah! And just today he was letting me read the email he wrote to a customer... he said there: TO GIVE LIGHT ON THIS ISSUE... and i went, YOU MEAN, TO SHED LIGHT??? heheehehehe Though seriously, he's good in building rapport and all that... it's just funny sometimes. i don't claim to be good at it, because i'm certainly not.. my customers fuckin' scream at my ears begging for American Reps.. Hahahahahaha! that's just the call center life..

We kind of noticed that most of the pictures with Cel... she has to make an Anime "peace" sign trade mark thing... we were kind of laughing about it, then Miss Ye (my manager) asked that we do the same thing and take a picture since Cel was holding a camera... This was during our ***coaching session*** that's me and my manager imitating Cel...

Me and Cel.. pretending we can sit on this PINK HEART SWING we made out of styrofoam... hahahahah! we decorated our area for the valentine celebration. it was a contest. we didn't win. BAH!

before we get this party done and over with, i have to take a picture with the baloons which i plan to take home.. **sneak-sneak**

me and my cleavage.. i mean, me and Cel... hahahahah!

that's all for now. imu' watch a video about HOW UPS WORKS. interesting. they got big planes and big trucks and all that..

the pupil mania continues

2007-02-15T14:15:00.000+08:00

i just found a couple of videos taken at the ANIMAX event. taken by a lister. hehe.

This one was when Andy of NU107 and that guy from Studio 23 introduced PUPIL. Andy almost cried.. honest! hehe.

This was when they sang Alapaap. i think i heard my voice inthis video. hahaha. Ely was so energetic here. hehe.

maybe when my ship comes in

2007-02-13T09:56:00.000+08:00

how is it that no matter how much you try to amuse yourself to keep away all pain and sorrow, one way or another it creeps inside you and eat you away bit by bit...

"something's gonna come your way,
it's gonna be your lucky day..
i never want you alone
go come and get everything you want.."
-Lucky, The Peaks

i'm not sure about the lyrics of that song. can't find one on-line. but it sounds nice. im listening to it from my post. i'm kinda' getting lazy. i don't wnat to go home. i don't want to be alone again. *sigh* hush hush..

check out madonna's blog. nice read. (=

"I know people think I'm flawless, but I am just like everyone else. I fart! I poop! Heck I even have bad hair days (I do have my own stylist so scratch that!) I eat food to survive (I have a chef to prepare my food though, but I still have to eat it!) You get the picture? Good!"

out all day and night

2007-02-11T18:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a LOOONNGGGG day. after work i met up with my friends because it Jane's birthday. we ate and ate and ate then at about 12 we went to my place... we drank beer and let out all our frustrations, heartaches and whatnots! i got a bit tipsy i think, i remember my voice got louder and louder. hehe. we went our separate ways at about 4 because i had to meet up with Bernz and some other listers. and surprise surprise, Bernz gave me a copy of Squid 9 Remixes CD! Raims gave that to him on one of the sandwich gigs. i was so overwhelmed **blush** he remembered that i asked for a copy of that. I never reminded him about it. hehe. I think Raims hasn't released that. it's just one of his personal collection of stuff. It has SUGOD piano version! it also has "With You" which is one of my favorite, Kathy Meneses of DayDream Cycle on vox such an enchanting voice... It also has sandwich's Close-up song in it... "Thatt's Riiggghhhtt!!!" hehe

anyway.. so me, Bernz and Gracie went to watch PUPIL's first gig after Ely's heart attack at the Animax event in the Mall of Asia. ely was so skinny. as in skin-and-bone! the Music Hall was jam packed. they sang a couple of Eheads ditties which the crowd applauded to. They also sang Dianetic, Nasan Ka, Gamu-gamo and another song which title i don't recall. hahaha. too bad we didn't get to go backstage. giant bouncers were everywhere. ugh! i wonder if ely's really fit to work. he's goddamn skinny i swear. he wore this black shirt and pink tie, fucking handsome still. Dok looked like Robert Smith. hahaha. he looked like he had a bad hair day. but absolutely handsome. he was outside, we could have walked up to him but then.. he was sorrounded with chics, ugh.. hehehe, i wonder where Sue was. Hrmm.. Sue is another lister who is Super Crazy about Dok. hehe. Right after the animax event, we got ourselves pizza and hot chicken wings at Yellow Cab. full and still giddy, we went to the Lovapallooza event because apparently SANDWICH will play. there were LOADS od people on that venue: punks, freaks and lovers alike. i thought i would collapse, man. we squeezed ourselves into the crowd finding a way to get in. unfortunately there were loads of people inside they no longer allow anyone in. after a nauseating trek inside that crowd we found ourselves sitting along the gutter that smelt of pee... the performances we heard were NINA's and Paolo Santos'..i think i kind of napped a bit there. hehe. then the Itchyworms played. what a relief! they played 3 songs... the Close-up song, Loveteam and BEER. the BEER performance was so cooooool!!! they started the song with Parokya's "Inuman na"... which was really funny.. i remember Bryan and the "Sunog Bagas" used to do that all the time. hehehehhe. when you get really serious singing a song, they'd insert another song's lyrics on it with the same tune.. it's hilarious. i totally miss those guys. Ok.. so after Itchyworms there was Paolo Santos again. Then the band we've been waiting for: SANDWICH, played. alas! i was awake again! hehehehe! unfortunately, they only sang one song. the Close-up song. so imagine how furious we were... after going all the hassle of going thru a super thick crowd... we were already OK that we weren't able to get in, but hearing only just 1 song? URGH! such a bummer. but then again, i have the CD i have nothing to complain, hehe.

Anyway.. I have to buy something in the store. i have to go.

N A M E S

2007-02-10T08:14:00.000+08:00

yesterday i was thinking of changing the name of this blog. however i was in a hurry so i shove the idea off my head. now i can't remember that name i had in mind for this blog. deym.
now i'd like to talk about names. i know a person who like thinking of names - jai. perhaps because he's writer; one of the most important details of a charater is the N A M E.

Princess - this is the name i'd like to give my first daughter. i thought of that just yesterday. i heard this song Prinsesa originally by the Teeth and is being revived by 6cyclemind. it goes like: dalhin mo ako sa iyong palasyo/ maglakad tayo sa hardin ng yong kaharian/ wala man akong pag-aari/ pangako ko habambuhay kita/ pagsisilbihan/ o aking prinsesa/ prinsesa.. ssuuuweeetttttt. admit it, you once liked that song! i also remember this girl on a reality series in MTV.. she broke up with her boyfriend because he wasn't treating her like a princess anymore. hehehe. it's funny but cute. and somewhat true. girls want to be treated like a princess.

Amber - i used this name for 15 months in DiirecTV. hehehe! Thank you for calling DirecTV, my name is Amber, how may help you today? i got the name from Amber the winner of Survivor All-Star and 1st place in Amazing RAce! The wife of Rob.. uhh, i think you know who i'm talking about. most of my customers in DirecTV then would say it's a very beautiful name. now i use Maria and no one tells me my name is beautiful anymore. huhuhu. anyway, i'd like to name my second daughter Amber. i think it's a very pretty name.

Xuxu - This is the nick of one of my friend Cielo. i like it - xuxu. it's pronounced like shooshoo. so when i get a dog in the future, i'd name it xuxu. it's a lot prettier if it would be named for a mule. a mule named xuxu. Hrmm?

Samantha - i hate my own name. i totally hate my mothre for giving me such a name. she said she just took our nany's advice. it's so lame. so when i was growing up Samantha was the name i wish i would have been named. And then people would call me Sam. kind of boyish but cute. don't you think so?

Cowpunk - this is a name i took from some graffitis written by the Eraserheads way back in 1996. I just learned that this is actually a nick name of their album layout artist. something like that. cool, huh? i thought it was just something Markus came up with his own crazy head. If i acn get a pet. any pet. i'd name it Cowpunk. maybe a persian cat. hehe. as if i can get a pet. i wish i can find a place where PET IS ALLOWED.

so there. that's the first part of the N A M E S i like. it's Janes Birthday. we're going out. tata!

Conquering Mt. Dagulgol

2007-02-07T08:46:00.000+08:00

Here's uhm.. 1% of the photo taken in Mt. Daguldol, San Juan, Batangas. I hate it when i delay a post, i get lazy.... anyway...

this is at the Summit. Nice, eh? That girl standing right there is JC Pacana. Her parents are from Cagayan de Oro, she went to Konghua and Corpus Christi in HS. sweet sweet girl.

The trail. Hmm, going down or going up? i can't tell. i don't remember. hahahaha! this is taken by Noah.

Laughing with Cel. This is the climb up. Cel was so freakin' tired here. The bag she was carrying was like 60 kilos or something. She has to make excuses for a 2-minute break. hahaha!

Horse: The hills are alive with the sound of music...

So damn tired. That's Ian right there, Cel's something friend. hehehe. He works in DELL tech support as a supervisor. perky guy. somewhat nerdie too.

I love this one. taken by Noah. don't we look like those cartoonie mini figures?

There's only one thing I can say about this picture: SpPlAaaCckkk!!

Hmmm.. Buko Juice, anyone? During that leg-throbbing hike we've had sevral stops where we rested for a couple of minutes enjoying either a buko juice or the Halo-halo. This was taken at one of our stopd when we were hiking down. Cel had this artist's bug that he just have to take a photo of that moment. THe Buko Juice was good though.

I took this photo using my crappy phone. It seems like it was on Night Mode. hehehe. This was the first stop. That's our guide right there.

Morning at the campsite. it was freezin' cold i swear.

Which way should you take? The hard way or the easy way? hahahaha! This is in La Luz Beach Resort.

good morning sunshine it's cold outside/ you see/ ever'thing's gonn' end up/ happily/ life's a bitch/ you look so wretch/ ever'thing's gonn' end up/ happily.. Err?

The trail.

I want to do it aggggaaaiiinnn!!!!

to climb a mountain

2007-02-05T12:04:00.002+08:00

i fulfilled one of the things i'd like to do before i die:

TO CLIMB A MOUNTAIN!

yiipeeeya yiiipeeeYO!!! it was so cold on the top of the mountain. i don't know how high it is just that it's a 4-hour hike to get to the campsite. the terrain was steep. good thing it didn't rain. when i woke up this morning, my leg muscles don't seem as stressed as i imagined it to be. The pain is tolerable. Good think Cel reminded me to do some leg exercises a week before the climb. So when it comes to activities like this, it pays to listen to the Pro!

back to reality. i have to do a Notice to Explain thing about my being late last week for one and a half hour! chaii chaii... you never learn... tonight i'll post pictures! weee! ta-ta!

The thing they call S-E-X

2007-02-02T08:31:00.000+08:00

FW: Pangungulangot at Sex

Inusisa ni Totoy ang kanyang tatay.....

Totoy: Bakit po masarap ang sex?

Tatay: Kasi, may kiliti o sensasyon iyon na katulad ng
nararamdaman
mo pag
nangungulangot ka.

Totoy: Bakit po mas nasasarapan ang mga babae kaysa sa mga lalaki
sa
sex?

Tatay: Gaya ng nasabi ko, ang sex ay parang pangungulangot. Kapag
nangungulangot ka, mas nag-e-enjoy ang iyong ilong kesa sa ang
iyong
daliri.

Totoy: Bakit ayaw po ng mga babae na ginagahasa sila?

Tatay: Iyang panggagahasa eh maihahalintulad sa naglalakad ka sa
kalye,
tapos, may lumapit sa iyo at kinalikot ang iyong ilong.
Magugustuhan
mo ba
iyon?

Totoy: Bakit po ayaw ng mga babae na makipag-sex pag nireregla
sila?

Tatay: Anak, kapag dinudugo ang ilong mo, nangungulangot ka ba?

Totoy: Bakit ayaw po ng mga lalaki na mag-condom kapag nakikipag-
sex
sila?

Tatay: Ikaw ba eh gusto mong mangulangot na may guwantes ka sa
iyong
daliri?

Totoy: Bakit po sa pribadong lugar ginagawa ang pakikipag-sex?

Tatay: Mangungulangot ka ba sa harapan ng buong klase mo?

i love you ely! -markus

2007-02-01T10:45:00.000+08:00

there's too many things i'd like to say. too little time.

- i got through that vacation in Batangas. i got off unscathed, luckily. however, i truly would have just wrestled with the slammers at the benefit concert of ely and listen to Marcus Adoro (former 'heads' guitarist) scream I LOVE YOU ELY! than spend time ass-kissing with someone as bratty as my cousin. *sigh* although i love the weather there. it was windy. at night it was freezing cold. i went to bed early on Sunday night for a goddamn change!

- i'm going to loose fats. i am going with Cel on a mountain hike in Batangas' Mt. Daguldol. it's going ot be my first time to climb a mountain with the pros. Cel had been teaching me some exercises to warm me up for the main hike. So now my legs are aching badly and the climb hasn't even started yet. how stupid is that. haha. Cel said it's normal for beginners. the most stupid part here is that i spent my 5k for this climb. i bought a tent, bought a hiking backpack, bought a poncho, sandals, and all the things i need for the climb. heheheh. i don't sound so eager, don't i? hahahahahaha! i'm excited. SUPER. nah that's an understatement - i'm ECSTATIC to the bones! finally a brand new hobby away from the city.

- i was flipping thru the Who's Viewed Me page on my Friendster and i came accross a friendster profile of someone that's oh so very familiar. i don't want to mention his name. well, it said there that he's married and i saw baby pictures in his profile. then again, he never told me that he's single either. i think i should just give this up. it's against my personal norm to get involved with married men. no fuckin' way.

- yesterday Angel spent the day at my place. we got to talking about a person we both know. i learned some shocking news about that person. REALLY SHOCKING. i mean GODDAM SHOCKING. i don't want to share thestory here though because chances are, people who'd read it will judge that person inappropriately. if she is reading this right now i would like to tell her that even though she thinks i'm so judgmental? i'm not. i'm your friend and you can ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS count on me to accept you for who are and what you are. no one is in any position to judge you, because you are not a book. uhurrmm.. hahahaha! seriuosly.. let me also tell you that DON"T DO ANYTHING STUPID. y'know what i mean. i know you know what's right and wrong. i don't have to tell you that. and i now in your heart you always want to choose the right path. but please, don't let the world's norms affect your judgment. screw 'em all! just do the right thing. you are WAY WAY better than them. and i'm just a text away my friend. (=

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FREEDOM?!?

2007-01-27T08:41:00.000+08:00

i feel that this weekend will be my most horrible weekend. EVER.

i don't want to go to Batangas. Why is she (my cousin) so fucking demanding? She don't own me! and neither do i owe her anything! i lived in their place when i was starting up, yes, but that doesn't give her the right to control of my LIFE!

i feel like a child again; dragged by my mother at some place i don't like when all i want to do is stay home and play! damn it. that's a stupid reminiscent of my childhood.

first of all, i don't like to speak with my cousin. let alone get stuck with her the whole freakin' weekend. not that i hate her, i just don't like her train of thought, y'know. she's kind and all, but i don't like how she talks about some of our relatives. it's OK that she talks about jesus, but i hope she doesn't speak of it as many times as she does because it's making me nuts! and i hate how she protect me. she's not my mother. i hate the way she demands. what she wants is to make her the center of my life. she want me to like what she like or do what i she does.

she called me yesterday afternoon. i told her the latest i could pick her up is 4pm. she was like - WHY? i went.. "because i'm going out with my officemates after the shift.." she said something like, "Just because of that? you're going to move the time?" with a smirk. GGGRRR. well, i happen to like their attitude better!

this shouldn't really be so bad actually. i can take the boredom the provincial air brings. but this SUNDAY is Ely's Benefit Concert... *sigh* WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FREEDOM?!? all i want to do this weekend is watch gigs with Radz, meet old gig-buddies and sleep during the day. In Saguijo by the way this Saturday night is SONIC BOOM prod feat Urbandub, Hilera, Typecast, Dicta License, Faspitch, Switch, and The Ambassadors... now i'm REALLY going to cry.

Live Ely Live

2007-01-26T08:50:00.000+08:00

This is a poster of the benefit concert for Ely BUendia on January 28, 2007. NO Entrance FEE but a donation basket will be passed around. This will be held in Eastwood Central Plaza.

Elytistas UNITE!

(= (ye right, huhuhuhu)

BULLET-in

2007-01-24T09:28:00.000+08:00

i totally pity Jasvil. she's now facing something that even science can't defy: a loved one's death.. i feel sad myself for her. totally. my heart is on the ground

i learned a trivia about ely's first born, Una - she has friendster!!! and she's a very cool chic. yep, chic. she's now 16 years old.

i learned a new proxy site! weee! opethelia.com, i also learned the better way to delete cookies! hehe! lurkers..

Dell Rocks on Saturday (venue: eastwood central plaza), Rivermaya is playing and i have to go to Batangas!!! bummer. and on Sunday Benefit concert for Ely BUendia and i will be in Batangas!!! bummer. LIFE IS UNFAIR! why do i need to put family first? **sniff-sniff**

i got a hundred percent in Customer Satisfaction last week according to the survey. EAT THAT Michael Dell! hehehehe
the blush album review is still in progress. i've had several drafts but they're pretty lousy. deym.

d-e-a-t-h

2007-01-24T08:19:00.000+08:00

Some possible philosophies of death and dying:

1. Death is an interruption to life, like sleep or disease, only permanent. Life is to be lived in spite of it. It is the end of our projects, an interference with them, not something to be integrated. This would be the case for both ourselves and those we love.

Two attitudes are then possible: (a) ignore it, and live life in spite of it; or

(b) rebellion: "rage, rage, rage, against the dying of the light" (Dylan Thomas). Cf., in D. Hawe's notes, Sartre p. 3, Pascal, Nietzsche and Epicurus, p. 6, for the first; and Camus, p. 7 for the second.

2. Death or rather dying ought to be considered, rather as the culminating act of life, in which a person expresses who s/he is, what they stand for, what his/her life is all about. This might happen in two ways:

2(a) via the circumstances of the death or by the manner of dying or both: an external and internal expression of what their life is all about. E.g. Jesus, Socrates, the martyrs.

2(b) Whatever about the outer circumstances and perceivable manner of death, death provides for all an opportunity for an internal expression of what they are all about, a "final option" ratifying their "fundamental option" or perhaps modifying it, this being part of dying. Cf. K. Rahner, Theology of Death.

3. Death is to be considered as part of life, something which every person has to come to terms with, in order to live well, part of what is involved in accepting our finitude. In Heidegger's language, human being is being-towards-death, this is one of the existentialia of Dasein, one of the structural features of human existence as such, which has to be assumed if we are to live authentically (cf. Heidegger, notes p. 7).[1] Cf. also Lochet in the notes, p. 8: "...no one becomes truly adult unless he assumes and accepts his birth and his death; for to be truly a [human being] one must accept the human condition..."

4. Death is to be considered as a transition from this life to the life that really counts, eternal life.

This latter is usually conceived in terms of a soul surviving the body, via a view in the West going back to Plato; but a kind of immediate resurrection as postulated by Schillebeeckx, David Coffey and others is also conceivable. Whatever, it's the next life that counts, and death is not something to be feared, at least not for those who die in the grace of God. Like a butterfly shedding its cocoon.

(But in traditional religiosity, unfortunately, there is also hell and suchlike, and frequently in the popular imagination and popular preaching in the past most people will end up there --which can sometimes make even 1, which is either agnostic or negative in respect of an afterlife, more acceptable. Cf. Hume, Dialogues XII.)

5. As with 4, but taking away the idea that this life is for the sake of the next one, only some kind of trial, in so far as this tends to devalue this life (= the 'porch' view of life). Eternal life starts here and now, the kingdom of God is already among us. Perhaps more emphasis would be put on bodily resurrection and the final coming of the kingdom, which is a social and cosmic event which affirms and validates our work here and now as well as liberating it.

6. Death is to be considered as a transition from this life eventually to another life of much the same kind, better or worse according to one's deeds (karma): doctrines of re-incarnation. Like 4 above, but not quite so final: we'll get another chance to do it right. This sometimes combines with views like 4: re-incarnation as the wheel of re-birth, final salvation = to get off the wheel of rebirth.

Source:http://members.optusnet.com.au/~gjmoses/DEATH.htm

the best ride

2007-01-23T10:45:00.000+08:00

every motorcycle ride experience has always been a great experience for me, whether it's "habal-habal" or a scooter. i like hitching a ride on a motorcycle.

so uhm, Sunday night.. i texted a friend..

Chaii: Radz, u awake?
Radz: Yes. y?
Chaii: Gala tayo.
Radz: sa'n naman tayo pupunta?
Chaii: Kahit saan
Radz: Wala pa akong tulog e.
Chaii: Bukas ka na matulog, hehehhe.
Radz: Ok, ligo lang ako.
Radz: Sa'n naman tayo pupunta?
Chaii: Kahit saan. basta. d2 na lng tayo usap.
Radz: Sa'n ka ba ngayon?
Chaii: Starbucks. Greenbelt.
Radz: Sino kasama mo?
Chaii: Ako lang.
Radz: E, san nga tayo pupunta?
Chaii: Basta.
Radz: O cge, ligo lang ako.
Chaii: Cge, hintayin kita.
Radz: Ano nga pala ginagawa mo gan?
***kulit****
Chaii: Coffee, galing me simba.
---- fourty-five minutes later -----
Radz: Sa'n ka banda?
Chaii: Starbucks Greenbelt nga.
Radz: Hindi, san banda sa starbucks
Chaii: Sa labas, malapit sa tree.
Radz: Ok. motor lang pala daldalhin ko, sana OK lang.
Chaii: O ba. ayos nga yan.
Radz: OK. on the way na me.

ten minutes later, i saw a very familiar shadow---Radz's. we scoured for something to eat in Tapa King in the wee hours of the morning. it was fun. we never run out of things to talk about and laugh about. right after that there went the very stupid question again.

Radz: O, san na tayo pupunta?
Chaii: Hanap tayo ng maiinom.
Radz: Cge.

after several brainstorming for a perfect place to hang out at 1pm, we finally came to a conclusion that that we go to some waterhole in near Rockwell.

so there starts one of my best mototrcycle ride. hehe. cruising the highway in the middle of the night. going wherever fate takes us.

finally we stumbled upon a billiard hall in Mandaluyong, because the one in Rockwell kind of got erased from the map. haha. we played 9-ball. drank a bottle of beer. the funny thing was, my stomach did not agree with the beer. after i declared bottoms up, i went looking for the comfort room and puked the hell out of me. ugh. i didn't tell Radz until after we're done with our game. hahahah. because i made quite a mess in the comfort room. eeeww. anyhow, the puke aftermath feels good.

when he took me home, my roommate was there. at home. which is a relief for me because i don't like to turn him down in case he asks for something i couldn't give him at that time. i don't want to tell him all about the "dramas" i've been through to defend that refusal. hrmm, y'know what i mean. i'm weak at putting people down. he said that he would love to stay longer. i said "maybe next time, we can watch movies together.."

the previous months my days have been dark as a stormy weather. i could pull off a smile or two at certain points but at the end of the day it was confusion, darkness, solitude, anger.. i had no peace of mind. yesterday i felt different. it feels like the sun's shining right down on me. It's a really great feeling. suddenly i never thought of dramas or sad goodbyes and whatnots. i probably spent all day day dreaming about the person i was with the night prior.

strangely today i asked Mitch what's the sign of being in love (like a smitten 12-year old): she said it's when YOU "can't eat, can't sleep, and you reach for the stars over the fence." she said she got it from a movie.

oh really now.

the previous post below is the song that plays on my head when we were cruisin' down the Highway at the wee hours of the morning. untiil now i still hear it at the back of my head.

untitled again

2007-01-22T22:05:00.000+08:00

In the deep of the night i look over my shoulder you look so fine a spectacular sight i feel you hold me close ans take my breath away... you say you want me to decide hit or miss i cannot lie what is this we have that completes me i delay the hour but... something's gotta give you say i gotta say it in the deep of the night i look over my shoulder you look so fine a spectacular sight i feel you hold me close ans take my breath away... could you spare me a bit more time rest assured there will be a sign 'til i'm ready for my number so at least don't let me pretend something's gotta give you say i gotta say it in the deep of the night i look over my shoulder you look so fine a spectacular sight i feel you hold me close and take my breath away...-Highway, Imago

untitled

2007-01-20T11:45:00.000+08:00

kay tagal kong sinusuyod ang buong mundo para hanapin, para hanapin ka nilibot ang distrito ng iyong lumbay pupulutin, pupulutin ka sinusundo kita, sinusundo asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo sa akin mo isabit ang iyong lumbay di kukulangin ang ibibigay isuko ang kaba tuluyan kang bumitaw ika’y manalig manalig ka sinusundo kita sinusundo asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo asahan mong mula ngayon pag-ibig ko’y sayo handa na sa liwanag mo sinuyod ang buong mundo maghihintay sayo’ng sundo - sundo, imago.

BLUSH ALBUM REVIEW SOON!!!

Satisfaction Guaranteed!

2007-01-19T09:23:00.000+08:00

at the start of the week i was welcomed by a disappointing news. based on the gossip i got, i am at the bottom of the stack ranking. the gossip turned out to be true. i'm at rank 77 - 1 as the highest - among 95 agents. motherfucker, i said to myself, i am out of here. yes, i definitely thought of that. evidently i totally miss CDO and one more snap and i'm packing my bags up. the airport is just a walking distance from where i live, i thought. i mean.. i can get another job? right? my officemates were telling me that it's a good choice so you can be with your family but how about the things you've earned here? are you going to throw that away with just one disappointment? Microsoft is putting up an in-house call center right beside this building.. **lightbulb** hehe.. so when i had a Coaching Session with my Team Manager. She was telling me i'm goddamn crazy to even think of quitting. it's just the start... then the day went on.. monday became tuesday.. tuesday became wednesday ---- now it's thurday - my day. from the first call to the last had SATISFACTION GUARANTEED stamp on it. hahahaahah! Dell wants customer satisfaction? Dell fuckin' got it! My Team Manager listened to my call a while ago discreetly and she was laughing at the customer because the customer was talking to me about Elvis and how cold it is in their place. he even said i should visit him some time. hehehehe. which makes me realize - damn i love this job. and as long i keep loving it sooner or later it will definitely love me back. that's what Bryan (my supervisor in my previous job) had taught me.

so let me qoute Mitch... "Kemmmmmbbbboootttt" ***wiggle-butt*** hahahahaha! now this calls for another round of Mini Choco Fudge!!!! yum yum i can hear Jane telling me "ESTRELLA kumakain ka na naman?!?"

what a loser

2007-01-14T18:38:00.000+08:00

ain't i a loser. it's a freakin' Sunday. and i'm here at the office: scrubbing cases. life is unfair. there's nothing else to do and nowehere else to go anyway. my roommate has left me, my friends have work later, Radz is... uh, i don't like hanging out with him. although he's nice and dandy, i hate the way he talks about how boring his work is. i don't like hearing complaints like that because it connotes that he's one darn lazy boy. one time i asked him if he had watched the pyrotechnics in the Mall of Asia, he replied, "what is pyrotechnics?" oh boy... he has a Really Big problem. So uhm... i am fulfilling one of my new year's resolution: no boys for this year.

i woke up really early this morning though. i promised my friends in DirecTV that i'd drop by last night but i wasn't able to. so i had to drag myself off my bed at 5am to go to Makati. me, Irene and Angel went to smoke in Starbucks, ate in McDo and later decided to go to JR's place - it's their Fiesta. amazing! i never thought people in Manila are celebrating Fiestas. hehe. so despite an aching throath, i sang my heart out in Lisa Loeb's Stay. Good thing i wasn't able to find Alanis Morissette on the playlist otherwise i'm sure as hell i'd have no voice by now. hahahaha!

and also, Irene and i had some heart-to-heart talk while we were riding a jeepney. apparently Dennis and her are still texting each other despite Cookie (Dennis' girlfriend) being around. She asked me for the reason why i told Dennis to quit bugging her - deep breath - i think the reason is clear as ice. then she bugged me about JK. i told her, in a nutshell, we're almost on the same situation - we love someone too much. too freakin' much that we are taken for granted and set aside. we figured that men are a bunch of stupid creatures. they don't know what they want. they let their libido control them. for example Bryan - he left his girlfriend for 3 years for a 21-year old half-spanish girl who rides a Pajero... now he's complaining about the fight they had and tellin' me "maraming babae jan pero hindi lahat nakakaiin.." the fuck?! hahaha! so i told Irene - let them stupid guys be. sooner or later they'll find out what they've been missing.

feels like heaven

2007-01-12T12:23:00.000+08:00

these were pictures were taken in heaven. heaven that's just 100 feet above the ground. from there you can view the city of Cagayan de Oro in its all heavenly splendor. (exaggeration of course)hehe. but it's nice out there. we can see the entire city from there. well? almost. They call it Heaven because it's where girls and boys make babies. hahaahhahah! y'know what i mean. it's been a while since i was with these folks. That girl in blue shirt is Kristin - she's taking up a Master's degree in Silliman; the one in white sleeveless is Apol she's in med school together with Ziphy who is that petite girl in white med uniform; and Divine is that chubby girl in green who works in a call center in Cagayan. We missed Janice here- she was always the Comic, she's in Med school somewhere in Manila.

Enjoy the weekend!

Just a quickie

2007-01-11T13:09:00.000+08:00

i have been. well. been sweating over my cases since the start of my working day in January. i don't know what's fuelling this sudden rush of diligence. it's weird.
also made a new blog. i'll post my dramas right there. weee. too bad these days i don't have much dramas. for some reason. i'm happy joy joy all the time. so what if i'm slowly dying. so what if no one loves me. heck, screw 'em all! as long as i got a cig to puff i'm all good. work's keeping me busy.

holy cow Pakingshet, GRACE

2007-01-08T21:17:00.000+08:00

HOORAAY TO THE PIG!
hahaha, doesn't it sound funny. of all the animals, why does it have to be the pig?! why not FISH? hehe. Oh yes, i'm dearly affected because this year is My Year. i was born 1983 - Year of the Pig. And according to MIra's Post in Friendster:

"Expect the best year of a twelve-year life cycle. Pigs benefit greatly from the energy of their own year. Good fortune is foreseen in romance, family affairs, and business endeavors. New ventures bring success. Pigs could inherit or find money. An excellent year for marriage, romance, or having a child. Luck is with you throughout the year.

which means this year i shall be wealthy! with love... (= hehehehe. how charming.
anyway, during the weekend i did nothing but sleep and shut my motherfuckin' mouth up!
1) had a fever
2) there's a lump on my throath, and i'm afraid i'm gonna
loose my voice if i don't quit talking
3) left wisdom tooth hurts urgh
4) my head has slightly pounding pain
5) had running nose
so i was exiled in my bed the minute i got home in Saturday at about 12pm. i woke up 12pm the next day Sunday. hahaha! that's like 24 hours of sleep man! but i felt better right after. i went on a Zhang Ziyi movie marathon. Then I went to church to hear a mass, starbucks was jampacked, i had no YOSI for crying out loud, Rustans was closed at 9 fuckin' o'clock how silly! but at least i heard mass, despite not being able to smoke. hehe.

oh dear, the internet connection is very slow. been online for 3 hours and i haven't opened the sites i need to open except for Friendster. holy cow pakingshet.

i want to change my name. i want to change it to GRACE...

who needs an overhaul?!?

2007-01-06T11:20:00.000+08:00

honestly, i am noticing it. this blog needs a major overhaul. i mean content-wise.

die! chaii! die!

Grrr. i'm not feeling well. my throath hurts. i have a bit of a fever. my head is swirling and my wisdom tooth hurt. ugh. in addition, Chanel - a college friend of mine who's now in Med School - said that my Lymph node case is actually malignant. i told her it's only a fucking infection, dude.. don't scare me like that! she was insistent and said there are only two possilities: infection or cancer. cancer grows big. mine was a bit larger before until i started taking the heavy duty med it degraded in size. or maybe i just got used to the size that i now think it's normal? holy crap.

anyway, who cares if i die?

overlapping commitment

Mu' cousin Donna texted me last night. she said she's wants me to go with her in Batangas (my father's hometown) because it's my niece's birthday: they're gonna' have some kiddie party! happy joy joy! Well, she never gave me an option to say No. she said my grannies were looking for me and i have gifts to give (including hers). now came my Supervisor, reminding me that she's going to put me on a WaitList to get a leave on the 26th. it suddenly occured to me that i and Celia will climb some mountain in Bulacan. we decided on that about December last year. so which weighs more: Friends? or Family?

oh well.

Jai&Jane sitting on a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Jai just got off from a traumatic relationship. broken; evidently looking for someone to love and love him back. Jane on the other hand has been waiting for someone to love her for a long time. it's like a lock and key. it's a match! hahahaha! and it's because of MEEEEE **big smiley** i didn't introduce them personally but i gave Jane number to Jai back in Chowking baclaran when we were looking for DVD to waste our time on. i told Jai Jane is a little naiive. haven't had a boyfriend ever since. hehe. so there, Jai got interested. initially i was completely thinking that he's only looking for virgin girls to devirginize. **raise brow** that's why i was a bit hesistant to although now i still think the same, i'm not regretting what i did. Jane has been sending me messages on the Intant Messenger every now and then asking me about Jai. hahahaha. and of course i won't divulge any not less i'm in front of Pizza Hut's Hawaiian Pizza! hahaahhaha! Jai on the other hand has been texting me to greet Jane HI for him. Swweeeeetttttttt!!!

additional note: what do i do with this blog? fuck i don't know!!!

last hours

2007-01-04T04:44:00.000+08:00

i only have a couple of hours to pack up my things. i freakin' forgot the "pasalubong" for my friends and cousons they will fuckin' kill me. haha! i'm going to be hung on the cross i swear! my last day though was fun. i got to meet my friends in college Kristin, Apol, Ziphy, and Divine... Kristin and I went to the Marine Laboratory we used to hang out in college. We met up with Ma'am Nitz my thesis ADVISER! also met up with Ii, Dindin, Gay (who works there), Fra-and, and Vierne the gayslut. hahahaha! we reminisced the good ole' days. rightafter that Kristin and I wnet to DUnkin to meet up Ziphy and Apol...Apol once told me she was pregnant when i was in Manila - my god! my tummy is bigger than hers! hahahaha! we went to Lim Ket Kai, grabbed some Pizza and went to High Ridge - to take pictures! hahaha! those guys are still as crazy as they were before. rightafter that i met up with my ex whose face i believe is too familiar to you now. hehe. he burned me a couple of CD's with half of the mp3's he has on it. hehe! then we joined his friends Jacob, Chico and Stanley; had several shots of Redhorse and tons of laughter. hehe. then he treat me to dinner - because it's gonna be the last time we see each other. amazing! we've made several lasts! hahahah! we talked bit. friendly talk. which reminds me of what Jai told me a day before i flew here... "You only have two choices, either to be friends with him or comletely ignore him for the rest of the years to come, there's no in-between." well...i guess i chose to be friends with him. crazy but - i can't live without him either. for some weird reason in spite of how i hate him and try to curse his flesh and bones there's still this lingering "hope" that it's going to be the two of us together in the end, i know it's like 1 out of 1,000 chances that it'll happen but; which brings me to a NEW YEAR's RESOLUTION i forgot to include: 8) EXPECT LESS ...uh-huh! or not expect at all. not necessarily in the love department but with other people. expectation causes disapointments, and disappointments causes bad relationships. so expect less.

OKAY it's 4:30 in the morning! time to pack pack pack!

New Year Blues

2007-01-02T17:40:00.000+08:00

i spent the first minutes of the year with my family. we took countless pictures and videos, lighted numerous fireworks, sang our hearts out and laughed out loud. hehe. basically we all had a blast. totally better than last year.

so now it's time for my new year's resolution. last year my new year's resolution came really late - i made it in June! hahahhaha! now i decided to be on time because it's how it should be. evidently things like this is already a cliche. anyone naturally breaks it. if not after a day, in about 2-3 hours. funny but true. i could not be certain that the promises i am about to make to myself for this year will endure but i will give it a shot.

1) stay away from intimate relatonships - yep. this year i'm closing my door for the so-called LLLoooovvveeee. my last one was a bit traumatic. so this year i'd like to stay clear from those things. let me qoute Gerald Gamban's words - an officemate of mine - "kapag pagod na ang puso, utak naman..."

2) love your job so your job will love you - i believe late last year i wasn't that focused on my job. now i promise to do my best all the time. it will be hard and it will be exhausting but one should sow to reap.

3) Sundays should be Lord's day - this one is hard to make. i'm skeptical if i can follow this all through out the year.

4) SAVE SAVE SAVE - need i say more? my plan is to set aside a part of my salary every other friday as if i'm paying something in installment.

5) READ READ READ - just like the previous point, Reading is also a great investment. in 2006 all i did was go out or watch TV. this year it's time to feed my mind once again with worthy things.

6) love thyself - life may become tosy-turvy and situations may get uncontrollable but nothing compares to a foot spa and skin exfoliation. i should do it often this year.

7) if chance and time will allow, i'll do the thing i've dreamt of doing all my life... this year. **wink**

Those are the only promises i can remember for at this time. i might add some along the way. i didn't put there that i'd stop smoking though because i know i won't. hehe.

2006 Review of Events

2007-01-02T04:17:00.000+08:00

first post for the new year 2007! hooray! hooray!

i'm going to start with the Highlights of the year that had been--2006. i think it was a great year for me.

***moving out - back in early february, i decided to move out from my relatives' place. i moved in with a roommate in Paranaque - near the airport. budget was tight, rumors were high but nothing stopped me from living on my own. it's a pretty neat place, plus the neighborhood's real fine. no one cares even if i go home at 5 in the morning.

***Officemate bouts - by 2006 i had became so close with my officemates, there had been a few times when our egos collided like train meeting a train in the nozzle at 120kph. i couldn't hide my angst, i thought i had to put it on this blog. luckily, they seldom browse this. hehe. but if i talked badly about them, it's only because they're very important to me. **wink**

***meeting the PUPIL and the YAHOOgroupies - after the band plays, it's the groupies who stay and chat with the band. let me name them, see if i can still remember their names: Ianne, Marz, Norie, SUE... i don't remember 4 more names! haha! anyways, they're all cool--- tho some may be very KIKAY, but they got great pupil stories to tell. hehe. And the band. oh the band. they're a bunch of cool folks. Ely is a fun person - really! but i never got to talk to him because i'm too shy... Dok, he's so damn handsome. Sue loves him. Yani - i don't like is aura. for some reason, but he's friendly to the groupies. BOGS, my ex-boyfriend, ugh! (in my dreams) hahahahah! he's so friendly! he'll buy you a beer even if you've just met.

***the Bryan and Tina break-up - this could have been a normal break-up. at first it looks so normal. i've seen so many relationships and this one i thought was just like them. however when the gossips kept pouring in and their body language becoming more and more evident, there's no mistaken --- it is going to be SO fuckin' messy. And messy it was. Tina even wrote one of Bryan's best friend a letter of bitterness and anguish which i posted on this blog. Jane was so pissed off and until now still could not get over it. Badeth was also ticked off, saying, Bryan has changed but has now adapted the change i believe. as to me - i don't give a damn.

***Leaving ACS, Joining DELL - it was probably the hardest decision of my career (what career?!? hahhaha). i treat my teammates as brothers, sisters, and bestfriends. they make work seem like mere play to me. at times of trouble, they're always there to give me pieces of advice. i'll always be grateful. Now joining DELL, initially i thought was not going to be hard knowing i have 15 months of experience taking calls. during training i only laugh at those test they gave us (called TIMS); until i finally hit the floor (production). expectations are way way high being the pioneer batch and all; but somehow i manage not to meet them, hehe. i saw myself being worst at my job here. but lately i learned how to take it easy.

***BACK to the Yosi - at first it was one-stick-a-day, then it became two... three... four until i couldn't keep track. i'm hooked.

***A friend's ordeal - while i was lamenting over my break-up with JK, about the last week of November, a friend of mine in Batangas is freaking out, trying to get out of the hospital. Yes, this is about Angel. well, we all make mistakes. we just have to see it in the positive light. luckily, she managed to get through it with the help of some friends. i'm really happy for her.

***The Break-up - life is a sweet sweet bitch, i always say.

There you go, folks. it's pretty condensed, but it's better than writing an elaborate Review and not finishing it (haha).

a song for goodbye

2006-12-27T00:31:00.000+08:00

stop me before i try to leave-again.
stop me before i believe that i can!

if the world divide us now
and i'm busy running frightened
take all i have broken
as i fall tracing your steps
and the challege is this -
will they find what they've been missing
the fate of the world resides
in the heart that bled for this madness

sooner or later, someone's gonna get it
i'm giving up my pride

-Last Dance, Imago

in love with the devil

2006-12-26T03:33:00.000+08:00

should i, or should i not? blog about it? oh what a stupid question!
Uh, basically this is about an evil being who holds my heart in his hand. all my friends hate him, even if they haven't seen him yet. my closest cousin Donna told me to close his case and move on. Irene had a funny remark, she said: "why don't you try for once taking your own advices, huh? 'nothing i can say. the minute he stepped at the airport, i fumbled like a child and embraced his evil ways. he's a selfish manipulative demon who knows exactly how to operate me to his favor.

eyebags

2006-12-21T10:34:00.000+08:00

sleep. it's what i need. but however i cuddle my pillow, count sheeps, or dream of polka dots.. sleep is nowhere to be found. it's very elusive. it comes and it goes. sometimes it stays too long, sometimes it stays for just an hour or two. yesterday i went home at about 1pm, hit the sack 15 minutes later.. tick-tack-tick-tack..i finished watching A Good Year - which is a terrific movie by the way; i even exhausted my cellphone's battery. sleep didn't come around until 5:30 pm. and i have to meet Radz at 7pm. holy cow. woke up from the text msgs because i had the volume of my mobile phone up because i knew i'd oversleep, otherwise. looked at the clock t'was 7:50pm. Radz was already lost in the mall and i was so dead in my bed, snoring, probably. haha! i was thinking of ditching him but i felt guilty because i know he'd wait. i didn't show up last Sunday night when i dearly promised to take him to a movie. this is the time to pay him back for the kindness and all his treats. at about 9 i hopped on a taxi and went straight to the mall. our plan was to watch a movie but we ended up in Starbucks, sipping coffee, smoking and sharing the lives we would like to have after this call center stint. it was too late for a movie. he kind of commented that i smoke quite more than how i used to. i thought so too. oh well. yosi muna tapos uwi.

Candy

2006-12-20T11:42:00.000+08:00

i like movies about junkies because they can be proverbial. they portray a person's extreme emotions. they show you the bliss and the angst. all kinds of them in a life of a junkie.

i think this is one of the best movies i've seen that portrays junkies in their most honest behaviors. Heath Ledger and Abbie Cornish are two love-birds drawn by love and heroin. they have this love for each other that you will almost envy. it's a total abandon. then again, heroin leads nowehere else but destruction. i give this movie an 8. all applause for Heath Ledger on this movie. (nice ass!)

this movie reminds me of the song by Urbandun - New Tattoo.. which is what i'm listening to right now. it goes like - "i'll breathe for you/like a new tattoo/in my heart you'll stay permamnent."

i get by

2006-12-20T10:57:00.000+08:00

at work. preparing x'mas decors with an officemate Celia. She's a very funny girl. work doesn't seem to be work with her. we laugh so much our stomach hurts once it's time to log-out. Right behind us are our respective posts. As you can see, hers is very organized while mine is--not so. hehehe! we're preparing our x'mas decors because it's a contest between teams. at this time we're on Aux4 - training Aux, so we didn't take calls for about an hour and a half. a moment of bliss for us. hehehehe - the call center life.

previous office.i think this was my last month at work in ACS. that's Bryan seated in front, at the left side are two fags (the one wearing a gray jacket, Lloyd, is still on denial tho - haha!) That girl seated is Irene, then there's Ryan in white shirt and Dharrel doing the crazy-face at the back (talagang umepal, ano - hahaha!). I miss these guys. So much. You'll forget all your worries when your're with them. You wouldn't mind the salary actually as long as you're with people that brightens your day up.

on training. these are my tropain training. sometimes i wish training hasn't ended yet. i smoke less then. things were not this complicated. i don't get kickbacks then. hahahah. from the left, that's nevermind!, Pam - the deadma chic, Marge - my yosi buddy, Macmac! - the crazy crazy guy but a good friend of mine, a yosi buddy as well, Carlito - ang pinakamayabang sa lahat! hahaha! HOney's Honey... yeeehaaa! and Laygz, the lesbian but toally cool girl - no dull moment with her.

Whoops?!

2006-12-19T11:05:00.000+08:00

i received a forwarded text msg today saying:

"D biggest lie is - When i get what i want, I will be Happy - All things have a replacement.. So when you get something you want, you loose something you need."

It kind of a bit hit me bullseye. Monday midnight i did something i don't know if i'm happy about or not. i was just contemplating about it. yesterday when i got home at 7am i was too tired to even remember what happened. i slept all day yesterday. even forgot to do my errands. i mean, i'm not violating any rules. i believe i chose it and wanted it. then why am i not happy? i don't feel less, i just feel nothing. there was this "want" but when i finally got it i felt nothing. i don't feel any remorse over it, it just amazes me how i feel totally numb about it. guess it's because i know what i need now? i am more self-aware. then why did i do it? i wasn't trying to be some wild-child. i didn't need to. there's no one to rebel to. isn't there? or...was i?

a funny thing happened to me this midnight. t'was about 12am. i was smoking right outside the office, with no company, when suddenly this man came up to me and said.. "kapatid ka ba ni Bianca?" i said, "no," obviously because i have no sister. and he was like.. "oh sorry! kala ko kapatid mo si Bianca, nanjan din kase sister nya e.. CustCare ka ba?" i replied, "Yea, and ikaw tech?" i can tell by how faded his ID necklace is - hehe. he replied with a little confusion "Ah, Tech?" i said "No, i mean ikaw ba tech?" he said ""yes."then after a few awkward seconds, "sorry napahiya pa tuloy ako" i replied "gago, K lang yun (chuckle)"struggling on a thing to say, i asked him who BIanca is, he told me a surename of Comolo i believe - well at least that's what i heard, and i was like OK. he said he just heard her sister works there but he doesn't really know her personally. then he stomped on his cigarette and said goodbye. **ssheeesshh**

today Bryan dropped by my post, he saw the picture on my post. 'told him that's my boyfriend but once he realizes that he's my boyfriend we'll probably break up. hahahaha! he asked where JK is, i said uhm...went to find another girl. He also told me he met Jane outside the building, and i was like "Friends kayo?" hahahah! damn my mouth couldn't hush-hush. he was like.. "What do you know?! i said nothing, ask your girlfriend. hahahahah! I was dropping some hint. i don't know if he gets it. Maybe he does.

Over The Hedge

2006-12-17T19:06:00.000+08:00

watched the movie this morning as soon as i got home. i watched it with Jasvil. However, it didn't turn out to be as fun as we expected it to be. Jasvil fell asleep in the middle of the movie. And i almost did. i got the moral of the story, somehow. it's about uh---family. it's just weird how a turtle can live in the woods. hehe. i guess that's a formula of a good story - there has to be something odd with the lead character. when Jasvil woke up and we were talking about the movie, she was like... "god i feel asleep on that movie! was it boring? or am i just too old for that now?" **chuckle** i think it's a bit of both. we've seen lotsa' movies with the same theme. same type of humor. same plot. it feels like watching a tagalog flick. honestly. like you would know what will happen next. no more surprises for viewers. nothing new. nothing phenomenal. "same old, same old" they say. even the great animation failed to astound us when in fact it was real cool. however, we've grown tired of 'em now. i think what they could have improved on on this flick is the plot. they should have tweaked it a bit. having a turtle in a pack of wood animals isn't enough, i think. it's also evident that they are banking on the humor. it was a good but not good enough. there was supposed to be a really funny part there when the squirrel said he can actually burp his ABC's but it was cut short. i could hear Jasvil let out a big laugh but faded after 3 seconds. hehehe. that was the effect of it. from 1-10, 10 as the highest my rating for this movie is 5 = Satisfactory.

***Soon to come: 2006 RECAP! (can't wait! - it's going to be this blog's anniversary. didn't know blogs also have anniversaries, hahahhaha! "keber?!"

A chain letter

2006-12-17T18:24:00.000+08:00

***this one made my toe curl.

Salty Coffee: An amazing Love Story

He met her at a party. She was so beautiful, many guys were chasing after her, while he was so
plain and simple, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but to be
polite, she consented. They went to a nice
coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please,
let me go home.... suddenly he asked the waiter.

"would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, How strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his
coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously; why you have salt in your coffee? He replied: "when I was a little boy,
I lived near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like
the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my
childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who still live
there". While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That's his true feelings, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can share his homesickness, he
must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has ties to his home.
Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.
That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.

They continued to date. She found that he was actually a man who meets all her demands; he had
tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed
knowing him! Thanks to his salty coffee!

The story ended just like every beautiful love
story , the princess married the prince, then they lived happily ever after... And, every time
she made coffee for him, she put some
salt in it, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest, please forgive me, I
have been lying my whole life. This was the only lie I told you---the salty coffee.

Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar,
but I said salt. It was hard for me to change it, so I just went ahead.I never thought that
could be the start of our conversation! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but
I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you about anything. Now I'm dying,
I'm afraid of nothing so I can tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange
bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! I would rather endure the
physical taste of something I don't like than lose the taste of love that has kept my life
worth living.

Since I met you, I don't ever feel sorry for everything I did for you. " Having you with me is
the biggest thrill of my whole life. If I can live a second time around, I would still want to
know you and have you for the rest of my life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee
again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet. One day, someone asked her: how did the salty coffee
taste? It was very sweet, she replied.
Love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but to understand, not to hear but to listen,
not to let go but to hold on !

Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you
for the one they love. Tonight your true love will realize how much they love you, between 1 and
4 in the morning. Tomorrow the shock of your life will
occur. If you break the chain you will have bad luck for 10 yrs if you don't pass this on to 15
people in 15 mins including the one from whom you
got this..

Forget the things that make you sad .... Remember the things that make you glad.

It's HELLO, not Heller! -Miss Pattie

2006-12-17T04:18:00.000+08:00

today i bought some DVD's. found a neat collection of movies in one disc. i hope this will work in my player. it has 7 movies: Volver (penelope cruz), A Good Year (russel crowe), Cake (heather graham), Candy (heath ledger), Stranger than Fiction (will ferrel), Trust the Man (david duchovny), and Employee of the Month (done cook). i bought it for only 35Php! how cool is that. hehe. now the quality? haven't tried it on my own player yet. maybe later. i also have A nightmare before Xmas, Walk the line, Over the Hedge, Nacho Libre, and the Jaws movie collection. imu' have a movie marathon Sunday! gee, i miss this.

now i'm listening to Telepono by Sugarfree. One of my all-time favorite song. hehe. 'been reading my posts in the prev months and found this song. I remember this was their very first single. i loved this song the first time i heard it in NU. Sugarfree was still unsigned then. Eraserheads were still in their glory. hehe. if my life is a movie, this song is one of the soundtracks. yep. i like this song that much. Especially when Ebe sings "Kung wala na tayo sa telepono? / At nandito na tayo sa tunay na mundo? / Woohoo / Hello? di na kita naiintndihan / malabo na ba ang linya sa ating dal'wa? / Hello? gising ka pa kaya? / Hello? nahihilo na ako sa'yo.." **sigh** it's a bit strange to hear this again because it brings back those days when i was so dead in love, talking on the phone for hours. t'was just lately when i realized i've been loving the wrong person the whole time. that's why i couldn't understand why things happened the way it did---because it's wrong.

Hello?

i hate LYRICS on a blog

2006-12-17T03:40:00.000+08:00

lol

(the reason i deleted mu' prev post. kept looking for a video for that in YOUTUBE tho.. can't find one. guess there aren't much NINA fans out there)

moving on...

2006-12-15T12:59:00.000+08:00

i don't want to start another dramathon. it makes this blog more lame. i also don't want to complain about people who are making my life miserable. i don't want to write about what i did every minute of my day. actually, there's nothing i'd like to do. i don't even want to sleep. maybe stare at melencholic pictures? in deviantart? days pass like falling leaves in autumn. every inhale of cigarette is like another day of my life span removed. i used to be determined. i used to be so insipred. i used to know what i want. now i stare at a friend who's talking to me without listening to what he's saying. the words that comes off his mouth is a blur. it happens every now and then. i go wherever i want. i do whatever i want. eat whatever i like. i take no one's advice. i'm free as a bird. isn't it great? maybe.

time flies when your brain's smashed down the drain

2006-12-14T11:54:00.000+08:00

i thought monday was just an hour ago. today's a freakkinnn thursday, i realized. tomorrow is Friday - PAYDAY. woohooo! then again, who would want to celebrate if your death sentence is just right off the block? i'm only one wrong email capture away from getting a RED ALERT filed on my folder. RED ALERT = No Promotion. No Promotion = No Future in this company. Good Lord! where is thy brain? This company is definitely not for no-brainers. It was just tough luck that i got in here. **sigh** i hear someone telling me, if then can do it why can't you?!

uhhh---because i lost my brain? lol

the void

2006-12-12T06:18:00.000+08:00

i feel sad. i feel sad for closing my door for my ex. you might have probably read his name all over this blog. yesterday he texted me saying "musta" didn't know it was him cos i deleted his num from my phonebook. so i called the number. i mistook him for another prank texter. he was asking why i was bitter. and that he just wants us to be friends. so i went on my same old dramathon. now i'm clouded with sadness. why does he have to do that? i'm not Chacha. i don't want to wait in vain. i don't want us to be friends. maybe in the future. but now.. my head is too messed up for it. now he dug on a feeling that i was supposed to have already buried half-way down. i was already comfortable with it. i was starting to think of happy thoughts. now my yosi breaks are spent hating myself again. i walk like a zombie again.

fuck! why does he have to make it this hard for me. if he love someone else why won't he just forget me? he's so unfair. he thinks i'd take it as easy as he took it. he's fucking wrong. i'm not all right. i pretend to be, but i'm not. and the only thing i'd like to do is take him off my head.

sometimes though i feel a bit of guilt for pushing him away. he was the best thing that ever happened to me. he was the one that made me whole. now i feel voided. i feel crappy thinking that i am not who he want now. i understand our situation is kinda lame, the long distance and all... but it's not going to be long until we live together again. i think. well, talk about free will. i remember he asked why i gave up when i decided to close the door for him. i don't know what that means. all i know is, i don't want to feel sad again. i want to get over it. i don't think i deserve it.

sad eyes

2006-12-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

had another long weekend. after work, Saturday morning, i and Jane went to DIVSORIA. she bought some gifts while i bought... gifts for myself. hehe. i had an appointment with Jai at 8pm that day. got home from DVSORIA about 7pm. boy the traffic was so freakkiiinn bad! i hate Avenida! so when i was about to go to bed Jai texted me asking me where to meet up... and i was like.. "can we just move it for tommorow? i'm so tired." *sigh* my appeal only worked for a few second, in the end i gave in, jumped up from my bed and went straight to the bathroom. i spotted him instantly at McDo Pasong Tamo. he was looking kinda' lonely.

so there. he told me the whole story. He and Layla broke up. Layla had found someone else. He moved out from their place just a week ago. i guess that was that why he bugged me constantly the whole week. oh boy, i've never seen such sad eyes on him. my heart fell on the floor. he was tellin' me about how he gave Layla everything, how serious he was with the relationship, how he never at any point of their 3-year relationship looked at any other girls but Layla. and i believe him because i know him. i totally feel sorry for him and i wish there's something i can do to ease that pain. but i told him, Jai i'm sorry i'm not used to seeing a man get hurt like this. normally i hear stories of cheating men, but cheating girlfriends? rarely. so forgive me i don't know what to say. but of course that night wasn't all about being sad.. shared a lot of laughs as well. i told him about how my doctor insist that this lump on my neck is cancer. while the result shows otherwise. and my friend says i ought to tell the doctor Pakyu! his opinion was weird. hehe. he's a person that u can rarely see smile. but i guess that night i made him smile. then we went to Saguijo. never expected the band i'd see there play. HILERA!!!! hehe. Jai plays drums, so he really enjoyed the show. especially when Dong Abay stepped in. He looked like a real fan. hehe. I think we went home at about 2am.

the next morning, Sunday. woke up at 10am. Angel texted, said she wants to eat out. so eat out with did. spent 4 hours in Starbucks Greenbelt, smoked about 10 sticks of cigs. then we went to church. and then we went Videoke. haha. sang our hearts out. t'was fun.

now it's Monday. back to work again.

have a great day!

2006-12-06T12:49:00.000+08:00

Oh.

was unable to finish my WEEKEND HANGOVER post. it's a long one. t'was probably the LONGEST weekend of my life. now i'm tired to think back. i'm not in the mood. i feel like a worn out whore. so strung out. this isn't because of my weekend. this is because of my cholesterol-woman supervisor and those 2 dumb RS's.. "DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW TO DO YOUR FUCKIN' JOB?!" too bad for my sorry ass, the bottom-feeder, the one who gets all the blame, the frontliner---the fuckin' agent!

what happened? u may ask. Long Story, and chances are, if i get into details i'd definitely bore you dear reader.. (if there is one) in layman's term though, the RS's did not DO their job. a job that was already assigned to them, as they WILLINGLY and REMORSELESSLY accepted it at first. as Honey call it.. Mamaru sila! short for Nagmamarunong! now my metrics is on the line because they realized they're too dumb to do the freakin' job! so they're passing it back to me. what, after 2 KICKBACKS?! the hell?!

Early this morning Jai was bugging me. i don't know what to do with him. quite frankly i don't even want to think about him. i'm currently nursing a shameful heartbreak, i have absorbed my friends' sorrows, and now i'm faced with this on-the-job-dilemna about 3 stupid people. how did they fuckin' get that job. **sigh** "well, i can't relate.." i hear JK tellin' me. and he'll probably rant a bit about how i should've applied to Ambergruis crap. oh well, he's gone.

weekend hangover

2006-12-04T13:54:00.000+08:00

i don't know how to start up this day's post. do i give the full detail of each event that happened last weekend? or do i just mention it in passing? oh well, my sleep schedule would be 6pm today so i think i have lots of time in my hands.

FRIDAY.

slept at 1pm woke up at 3pm, so that's 2 hours of sleep. took a shower and went to our meeting place--MCDo, Mall of Asia. i bought 10 sticks of Marlboro Lights because McDo makes wanna drink McFloat and smoke. A cheap version of the cig&coffee spree in Starbucks... only it's soda. i got there at about 5:00, you can tell i was very excited. i was 30 minutes early. i texted Bernz, he said he was at the Foodcourt. in a while he came and joined me. he said "nako, bawal ang yosi at lighter sa loob ng WTC." i said, "talaga? o cge ubusin ko na lang tong lahat habang hinhintay ang iba.." he let out a smirk and said "e pano yung lighter?" he was kind of contemlating...then i said "e di lagay ko na lang sa sapatos ko!" hehehe.. so as we lined up, me, Nikki and rocker-doctor girlfriends, Jackie, Shen "the Emo chic", that girl who's been watching rock awards for a long time (forgot the name) and Bernz... i hid my little black lighter on my shoe. quite a discomfort, if you ask me. but hey, it's worth it. hahahaha!

when we got in,, we were approached by pretty chics in miniskirt, handing us pamphlets from the sponsors. Bernz and Jackie scored an NU sticker... i wonder where i was then. Hrm! there were hoards of cool people, punk kids, socialites... all drawn together on this one hard rockin' event. when we got a a place in the middle, i and doc Nikki decided to line up for beer. it's cool cos they had a literal truck of beer inside the WTC. they had truck full of beer inside WTC. hahahaha! there was also a VIP lounge which is about 15 feet elevated. all the cool people were there.. Phoemela Baranda "she's SO hot!", Asia, and more... The show kicked off with a band who won the Red Horse Muziklaban---HardBoiledEggs; saw them once in MYX LIVE, they were great. PUPIL followed. By then I, Jackie and Shen made our way to the front to we'd be abl to see the people on stage---weee!!! midgets!!! hehe! So we were in front of this BIG Bouncer... one time in the show, that Bouncer freakin' gagged at Shen... everyone at the back were doing moshpits and all, and the three of us were just steady in our own space, headbanging our heads with the music... out of nowhere the Bouncer shouted at Shen saying "ang tigas ng ulo mo ah, sabi'ng haggang jan lang kayo....!!!" blah blah blah.. and we looked at each other with this WTF?!!-face. Clearly that muscle man was just looking for someone to yell at to establish his authority. what a jerk! hmf! anyway.. Kamikazee won the most awards. Mong is still the Guitarist of the Year.. when will that ever change?? haha! uhm.. i didn't aid so much attention to the awards. i focused on the performances. It was Kamikazee's night, Jay was in his most comedic personality. Even Chito decided to just stay in the background... Jay was fuckin' crazy. Dong Abay was also present. hehe. He was wearing this Ifugao costume. it was so fuckin' cute on him! And SANDWICH!!! Myrene was bassist of the year, by the way, Sandwich played DVDX with JAMIR of slapshock... Mong and Raims went stage diving... hahaha! it was so fun! then came... The Dawn... everyone on stage was so wee-happy! their smiles were up until their ears.. especially Buddy Zabala. he's never been that cute before. Jet Pangan was jumping on stage like a popcorn on a hot pot while Raims, Dong Abay, Chito, and Gabby jammed with them. they sang the good ole' The Dawn ditties... it was so memorable... when they were singing SALAMAT, so drawn by the moment, Raims hugged Buddy tightly... it was like a 2-minute hug. i almost cried. haha! below is a snippet of The Dawn's performance, just grabbed this from YouTUbe.

after the gig, we went straight to Bagnaberde---10 steps away from WTC. Freestyle was playing---we couldn't relate, hehe... but we weren't minding them we were so focused on the food we were eating the and talking abouut the highlights of the show.

SATURDAY

still got the NU rock Awards hang over but i pushed myself to wake up at about 7am. i remembered last night JR said Angel was at the hospital, which is a total relief. Good thing Badeth texted me, said she was going as well... so we went looking for the hospital together. When we got there, Angie was okay but pressure about the finances was there. My ole' team mates were there, Fred and John, Irene and someone new i don't recognize... she was really ecstatic with the support she received. well, i believe that's how you'll know who your true friends are---by the people who'll be there with you at your lowest. she was so touched by our presence she couldn't stop talking about it. hehehe. geez. she's just so freakin' hilarious. Jane also came to the hospital. So we talked and talked and talked until i realized it's 5pm and i'm so late to my doctor's appointment. hate to but i had to go.

***NOTE: this is the sad part of leaving a post in complete for almost 2 weeks, i don't recall what happened right after that last sentence. tsk! tsk! memory gap.

sleepyhead!@?

2006-11-29T23:33:00.000+08:00

i'm such a sleepyhead. today i was supposed to go "bonding" with my girlfriends; we were supposed to meet at 7pm, i woke up 8:30pm. haha! i never change. i swear when god showered good looks on earth i was dead asleep! Rey (my gay friend) is going to the States this Dec 5, we may never see him again. huhu. and Badeth, i miss Badeth. got lots of stories to tell. ***haaaayyyy***

i texted Erwin last night (my eldest brother), i asked if he'll go home this holiday, he said he's not sure. so maybe i should stop bugging my Service Lead to approve my vacation leave this holiday. i'm not going home this new year.

is this the beginning or the end?

2006-11-26T20:40:00.000+08:00

just a few minutes ago, chatted with Jai. he had free WIFI. lucky bastard. me and Jasvil couldn't connect to WIFI. it was asking for SSID. whatever it means. i think our area should be a wifi area, it's the air-fucking-port! anyway, she'll try to get it configured tomorrow she said. now i remember how i miss that guy. anyway, rightafter he left the chatroom Dennis went on-line. his cousin. had a really fun conversation. we both miss DIRECTV! waaaaa! Also received a message from John in my friendster.. he was commenting on a picture i just uploaded, which is what you see right above. aren't we cute? he said. i replied, no, I am CUTE! hahahahah! that's blasphemy.

today i went to church. prior to that i picked up and dropped off the laundry in the laundrymat. then i ate at McDonalds. Just like a regular day in paranaque. i totally MISS a regular day. the past week, i think no day was a regular day. either it's a crying day, a sleeplees day, a messed up day, a headache day... urgh! yesterday i went to Angel's place. she's freakin' devastated, miserable, confuse, hopeless... damn, a few days ago i thought i was the most miserable person in this world! when i saw her, and heard the story personally, i felt ashamed of myself. Somehow it was her fault though because she went with the wrong person. and SHE knows pretty well that HE was the wrong one. which gives me a great deal of a lesson in terms of choosing who to hook up with in the future. It's just so sad. sorrow is clouding her thoughts right now. she told me last night she wanted to die. i replied.. "NO, he's not WORTH it." just like what i told Jasvil today when she knew her ex had several girlfriends while they were together! she said she cried real hard while i was asleep. i didn't notice because i was so deep asleep. HE'S DEFINITELY NOT WORTH IT. I mean, come on! to the ladies who continue to suffer because of men? THEY'RE NOT WORTH IT. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

so many things had happened, i don't know if this is just the beginning of a heavier pain or is this the end of it?

the video below is Urbandub's Soul Searching. I miss this song. the dub gets better and better. been listening to their old songs lately. they're totally awesome.

in a nutshell

2006-11-24T23:54:00.001+08:00

only had about 4 hours sleep today. i paid our Meralco bill for the first time; now that's a breakthrough! hahaha! burned my lungs rightafter and i bought a ticket to the NU Rock Awards! I'm excited! Doc Nikki is also IN for some Saguijo or 6Underground gig this week. Damn, i miss Saguijo!

this morning though i think i cried before i went to bed. i thought life's cruel. hehe. so i didn't stop thinking about it. until i realized i shouldn't really think like that.

i suddenly remembered what Bryan told me when i broke the news last year that I and JK are back again, he said "If he's done it once, he'll do it over and over and over again" Back then i just couldn't understand why he's so against it. i didn't know he was right. i didn't believe him. why didn't i anyway? he's a man. he should know. it's what he does. Mistake #3. God i'm so stupid. i should have put a high regard to myself then.

YOU LIVE, YOU LEARN.

so i've decided not to dwell on that anymore. he's not WORTH it. he said i was unsupportive. *rolleyes* we have the almost the same interest. how can i be unspportive? as i looked back on the things i've done, not just for him but for Gibson or Jai, i think i fair quite great on the "supportive" side. when Jai write short stories, i've always been the first to read it and push him to publish it. when i was with gibson, i was always the first to look at the paintings he've done or the songs he've made. i don't know how i can be so unsupportive. i don't know how he can say that when i've always been his number one fan. he was my own Ely Buendia.

i think i have so much love to give. i can't waste my time on someone who doesn't appreciate that. i'm so thankful this happened. so thankful. i learned my WORTH when somebody made me feel WORTHLESS.

BTW, Gibson's writing songs again, he said. can't wait to go home! (and make babies!)

just give up

2006-11-24T05:54:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i listen to people. i should know better. i don't know why i entertain the past. i should only look forward. i feel a terrible mix of emotions today. i wish the pain killer i'm taking can also kill pains of life's harsh reality. like i mentioned about several days ago, I DON't WANT TO FEEL like how i did in November 20th. It was better the day after that but i don't know how it's creeping up again to me. Maybe because it's still there. and no matter what block i put in it, a hole will still be a hole. Life should be so simple. You eat, work, sleep. Why can't i manage to do just that? Why do i have to insert unrealistic thoughts in between? i think emotinally, i need an overhaul. how do i do that? i don't know. i wish you can just remove everything u don't like from your mind and heart completely in a snap. i wish it's that easy and convenient. evidently it's not so i'm screwed. i have to live with it. Gene told me to take life day by day, (we were just atlking about jobs in the US at the start of that conversation, haha! it somehow shifted to life?) i didn't know what to say because i don't want to feel the same pain every fucking day of my life. It will pass, yes, but i don't want to feel it at all. Maybe subconsciously i don't want to accept defeat. I'm the type who always want to fight the fight (emotionally). Maybe i don't understand it. Maybe i don't see the logic of it now. or maybe i do, emotional grievance is just maybe overshadowing it now. someday i'll probably realize what it's for. here comes the test of patience. i'm never patient. ugh.

Happy Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

it's thanksgiving in the States. hehe. Had a turkey for dinner. free food rocks! hehe.

i'm currently my planning trip home this New Year. what do i do? How will i do it? what's my schedule? what's my budget? i'm super excited! i'd like to sleep in my mother's room. i'd like to speand 10 hours on the phone. i'd like to go out with my ole' friends. see my family again. CLEAN MY ROOM!haha! go back to my roots. my old school. old flames. damn, can't wait!

the boy who makes me crazy

2006-11-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

at about 1am today, Gibs texted me. he said "HI, here's new number. how r u?" i texted back at about 3am and i was like "gibs! thank god you texted! i feel totally miserable! i wanna die!" after exchanging whatnots, i didn't feel miserable anymore. all emotional baggage just went away. somehow i found comfort again; just like going back home. it's amazing and in a way magical. it's a weird feeling. a blissful emotion i can't contain.

then again, no matter what a stupid good-for-nothing bitch-slapping asshole he is, those few sweet days with him was unforgettable. why wouldn't it be? he was my crush from the day i met him in 2001 until the day i hit my head in the wall and realized he's a total jerk. what i remember the most though was the last night we were together. there were fireworks everywhere. haha! we walked about 2 kilometers at the wee hours of the morning. we passed through the city's public market, walking tipsy with his arm around my shoulder and we weren't official lovers that time, i guess we never were ever, what i only knew then was that i was head over heels over him (for some werird reason). then we had to sober up so we bought some coffee on this mobile coffeeshop, if you know wht i mean, haha! in Cogon Market...i was hesistant to try it at first, but i thought it would be a really great experience and it made it more magical. why i think that way before I DONT KNOW! i didn't care then if he had 5 ladies all connected with him at the same time.

now he said he's living in a dorm. the same dorm we last went to when we got all drunk and crazy. i think that's what i like about him. he makes me crazy. damn i want to be crazy again. with him.

skipping november 20th

2006-11-21T06:08:00.000+08:00

November 20, 2006 is the day i don't want to remember. i was soaked in my own tears. i was miserable. i felt so helpless. i wanted to die! if only i didn't believe in hell... i never want to feel that way anymore. I WILL NOT FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE>

it's time to put the safety jacket on when it comes to the matter of the 5-letter word. i won't give in. i won't go out and be promiscous like what happened last year. because i'm worth more than that. i'm worth more than the girl that a certain person easily threw away when he found me worthless. it's time to love myself now. i will never be kind again.

yesterday was also tragic because Angel had a miscarriage. i was just totally dumbfounded. i was not the only one sufferring that day. she feels horrible. she's so depress. she didn't report to work last night i learned. and to think that i pushed her to drink alcohol a couple of weeks ago when we went o her condo. i feel it's partly my fault. so sad. Angel is such a sensitive emotional lady. i can just imagine how she's feeling at this very moment. it's devastating. the father of the late baby is where? GONE. he only comes to her for mealticket. what a jerk. i don't know how girls fall for those types of guys.

ugh. terrible terrible day.

Gone

2006-11-19T14:10:00.000+08:00

it hurts. i thought it won't. i thought it'd only feel like an ant's bite. but no, it feels like a crocodile's bite. hahaha! it hurts so much. damn. same as the feeling of me agreing with breaking up with JK. i thought it'd be easy but it's NOT easy afterall.

mobius

2006-11-18T14:24:00.000+08:00

i was so late for the incision biopsy. i was supposed to be in Healthway by 1:00 but i came at 1:30. blame the traffic. hehe. so i was rescheduled for 3:00. dum-dee-dum-dom-dom...

mobius
this cafe is really cute. it's really loud here but my audio is louder. haha! no one cares anyway. however it's really cheap here because it's only 15Php per hour and to think that they're located in the mall (Market! Market!) they should rate higher than that. in Glorietta and Greenbelt the net cafe's rates are like 50 pesos per hour, the pc's are freakin' lame, they still have those crt monitors and windows98 os. it's So cute when i was at the counter i saw this midget... i don't often see midgets in person so pardon me if i seem offensive, hehe. he's my-waist-high and his hair's like JK's "semi-kalbo" and at the back are strands of long braided hair.. ugh, my explanation sucks but u'll know it when u see it, haha! i smiled at him, i thought he was cute. i thought he was the only one. then the lady behind the counter called someone to usher me to my station, i almost did not noticed her, to my surprise she was also a midget! and i looked around, all usherettes were midgets! i've never seen that many midgets in real life ever before so forgive my naivete! hehe! they're just SO SO SO cute, i'd like to bring them home! hahaha!

BLOG: RE-OPENED

2006-11-17T11:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, i couldn't stop writing. there are only about eight pages left now of this big black notebook. i guess it's time to buy a new one. and yes! i'm writing this on a notebook and i'm transferring it to my blog which i re-opened because no one's going to go against my train of thought now. hehe. so it's public again. BAH. let me just warn you though that this first post from my hiatus will be long. evidently to catch up for the things i missed to express.

First.
i am now taking calls in DELL Customer Care.

the first day was last week, Nov. 7, 2006. it was a horrible day for us. our team is called Yeye's Tagteam. Soon i'll post a picture here. During the first day, everyone was freaking out, man! the pressure was sky-high. imagine we're Batch 1 of Dell's first non-outsource center in the Philippines. we all thought there'd be only about 3-5 calls a day... we thought wrong. had about 13 calls in 4 hours. and they were long calls! we were like guinea pigs in a cage. change happens in a split of a second. now things are a bit easier. but there are still plenty of things to learn. it's NOSEBLLED.

Second.
i may have cancer

i hate to burst your bubble but i'm not dying. hehe. the doctor's first diagnosis was Nasopharyngeal cancer. the biopsies made behind my nose did not show signs of cells of this type of cancer. my doctor i guess will ask another pathologist to test it. now the biopsy done on my portruding lymphnode at the right side of my neck showed signs of reactive lymphadenopathy: it's a condition in which there is enlargement of the lymph nodes in response to infections. The condition may affect one or a few lymph nodes, or may affect all the lymph nodes. If it's painful, it's a chronic infection and once it's not, it's caused by cancer. MINE IS PAINLESS. this saturday i'm going to undergo another biosy. this time it's incision biopsy. the doctor is going to take a mass os sample from my lymphnodes. that will bleed and that will be painful. Chanel volunteered that she go with me, but she found out she has a class that time, so i would have to go alone. i haven't told any of my relatives about my situation just yet because i know they'll freak out! especially my mother. once when i was about 9 years old, i developed this infection which caused a bump on top of my head. it was supposed to be painful i think. knowing that i was only 9 and i was SUCH a crybaby (ask my mother, she never fails to mention that to other people when i'm around, ugh) but then at the time the doctor was incising the skin on my head, i never cried. my mother said to me rightafter---"you're a brave girl." it kinda' stuck to me. so now i'm not afraid to go through incision, i'm a brave girl.

Third.
the jk-chaii is over.

yes. we're over. we're done. so i'm VERY single. what happened, you ask? well he's not cut for the "true love conquers all" cliche. the long distance setup kills him. i calle dhim last tuesday 3am; i used my 1 hour lunchbreak. he was like a call center agent: he was bilding rapport! and he was really good at it. what seemed to me like a mundane casual conversation will actually lead to a proposal for a break-up. superb "positive scripting" i tell you. i dont't mean that in a negative way and i'm not mad at him for the decision he chose. it's what makes him happy, how can i ever deny him that right? so i let go. it's just a shame for me because i held on too tightly to something that i knew from the start was too fragile. something that is too good to be true. this already happened once before, i took him back. now he's done it again. i told irene about it and he r reply was pretty predictable: " makulit ka kase e, dati ko pa sinasabi yan sa'yo e..." hehe. i know if i'll tell bryan about it he'll tell me the same thing, so are my other friends from my previous company. and i bet they'll only tell me one thing: that i should go out with someone else! oh well... i should've gotten pat Tirano's number before. hahahahah!

Fourth.
continuation...

i wonder how my gig-buddies are doing. Sue, JR and the rest of the pupil and sandwich addicts. it seems like i haven't got the life in 10 years! my last gig was lat July, now's november man! i got really busy with my new job and budget got really tight. i believe that's about to change. the NU rock awards is just around the corner. Dec 01! it's friday, working day but i'm going to be sick that day..haha! it's a little sad though because last year i dreamed that this year i'd watch it with JK. there's no more chance of that happening any longer, so it's a little disappointing. i should've wished it on a shooting star. sheesh. anyway, there'll probably be BEER then to keep a drunken heart sober.

p.s. my tag-board is up. please drop a line. tnx!

lat post syndrome

2006-10-17T11:59:00.000+08:00

yes, you read it right. this is my last post.

so i am presenting this video from Rivermaya. for some reasons, i have been listening to them a lot for last couple of months. this is one of my favorite songs. i'm really glad there's already a video for this one. this song is the reflection of how i'm feeling right now. yeah. the video is a kick-ass.

enjoy!

for the people who joined me here (u know hu u r): THANKS A BUNCH. i have a new blog now. it's a private blog though. i'd like to keep it more personal and private this time.

The Wreck

2006-10-01T21:13:00.000+08:00

"I HATE MANILA! I WANNA GO BACK TO CDO!" Jasvil blurted out when she entered the door. there was no electricity, no water. NCR is in havoc. what a shame. haven't showered in 24 hours. thank god for deodorants. hahahaha!

my friends kept telling me, mother nature is mad. i told them "i think she just wants to remind us to trim the trees on the street." hahahah! it did trim the lovely trees that you see on the streets. and the billboards... well, they look aweful anyway.

First Day High?

2006-09-26T23:20:00.000+08:00

that's what my new found friend named John, short for Averrette Jun, commented to me today when i was complaining about the blisters on my feet. It's so corny but... it's corny.

the training was awesome. the trainers were totally fluent. they're very intelligent. THEY because there were two of them in a class of more or less 20 trainees. we're going to spend 2 weeks with them. it's great because we get to be trained not only with soft skills but also about leadership and the likes. in my previous jobs we had 1 week of soft skills and we only touched a bit of US culture and stuff. So i guess that this is a great experience.

we also got to write and talk. well, we talked a lot but, we got this FREE SPEECH activity when we draw-lot a topic and say something about it for 3 minutes. the topic that i got was about an ERA that i would most fit in. i think i had the most absurd and senseless answer. my co-trainees were really smooth at speaking in front of the class. their answers were organized and substantial. i was challenged in a way.

i was the last person to speak in front.

i told the class i would base it through music. since i'm a big music fan. and the era i would most probably fit in would be the 70's hippie era and the 80's punk era. I told them i like Bob Marley and Jim Morrison---the only artists i could think of from the 70's era. and The Clash from the 80's punk era. also the "only" band that got stuck on my head. i told them if i had the chance to go back to that era, i'd like to watch a The Clash concert and rock n' roll.

that was pretty dumb. it's a First Day low, afterall.

fistfight

2006-09-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

a few days ago, i believe you've already read it, i've written some silly notes about a person who posts stupid lies?!? his posts were all bullshit, and full of hate. i already deleted it of course but it got me REALLY upset. so i went and gave that person a blow in the head (or so i imagined). i went online and talked to him---as what Cielo suggested. we fought and fought until he ran out of reasons and excuses. haha. so it became funny.

the guy is CRAZY. but i love him. i believe that's what made me fall for him in the first place.

tell me i'm not weird.

rhyme without reason

2006-09-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

deym.

this is a really great song. from a new band---HILERA. don't know much about them, but there's one thing i'm sure of. they fuckin' ROCK!

amazing. the video is great. it doesn't cost much but it totally represents the band. what they are. what they play. check the "THE CLASH" poster. hehe. i hope they don't "sell-out" in the future. i hope they'd stick around for a long time.

there have been too many familiar genres that came out in the local music scene.. at least in the mainstream market that is. there's the "everyrock"? like uhm.. (this is awkward) Pupil; there's a lot of POP of course.. like Cueshe and all other pogibands; there's hardcore; there's rap-core; there's emo like typecast etc. but PUNK? who ever thought of that? i thought PUNK is DEAD here in the Phillippines. that is why i'm so fond of this band. i really did thought PUNK is DEAD. or maybe i'm just not that updated? hehe. but no need to fret because HILERA is here to save the world from shitless rhymes! rock n roll!

tears

2006-09-23T21:22:00.000+08:00

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those are my tears.

This is No Ordinary Love

2006-09-22T18:57:00.000+08:00

i think i already told you. i was so fuckin' bored this morning at home. all i did was watch TV. then i saw this MYX LIVE thing on MYX. URBAN-fucking-DUB was playing. and they talked about Sade.. fuck , i think i'll never listen to this song the same way as i did before... i was taken by Urbandub's rendition. fucking GREAT. so i'd like to share it. the quality is not that good, but this is the same clip.

"This is No ORDINARY LOVE!!!!" (sang my heart out)

No Ordinary Love
Sade

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I keep crying
I keep crying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

oh, Goddammit

2006-09-22T18:34:00.000+08:00

thank god i can edit my Tag-Board. i can't believe some people that had been you're everything can tell you things that people who try to bring you down would tell you. unbelievable. am i that horrible? if i try to look back on the things that i did and did not do... i don't think i am. had i ever been so unfaithful? uhm..sure i got lotsa crushes but none of them i've flirted with. just not my style. i think i am a very serious person. which i sometimes hate. not that i don't have a sense of humor. i do laugh a lot over silly things, but i'm serious in how i deal with things about my career, my best friends, my family, love life and all. which by the way is zilch. i don't know. am i a horrible person?

i'm sleeping in Laguna tonight by the way. my brother's place. just need to be his slave for a bit. i need to borrow some dough. i'm so fuckin' poor. "poor as a rat" as Angel puts it. haha! i get so BORED at home...so this change of environment i think is also great for me. tell you what, i was so BOREd that i started texting those people in the text-chat thingie on MTV. Hahahahaaha! well, their numbers turned out be really busy. geez, imagine your number being broadcast in national television. and it's fuckin' MTV. hahaha! my desperation didn't get anywhere. so i texted several friends instead who turned out to be really energetic and giddy at texting me back. hehehe! that's why i love them. i love a them lot. on Sunday i think i'd be sleeping in Pasay, my cousin's place. i think it's an obligation more than anything else. haha! i promised her i'd sleep in their place when i get a break from work. now i got the break, so i have no excuse not to go there on Sunday.

P.S. no more BULLSHIT on the tag-board please. i MEAN it. otherwise u'll fuckin' regret it goddamit.

life sucks

2006-09-20T23:12:00.000+08:00

i'm all wide awake straight for 27 hours now. i'm tired. but i need to say something.

there are plenty of things i don't understand in this world. sometimes i try not to understand it. i dismiss my attitude in two words: "life sucks." but why? why don't we try harder to find the answers to our questions? maybe we do, but there aren't enough credible people around us that may be able to tell us if we're right or wrong. like why do i like a particular genre of music? maybe there's nothing wrong. maybe that's just how it is. but doesn't it sound a bit dense to just accept things as it is? i remember a favorite ely buendia line for people dissing his i-don't-care-about-you attitude... "take it at face value!" well, who ever said life is perfect? or any person is perfect? so we gotta just "take it at face value!" so life sucks. and i'm not making sense AT ALL.

i'm in good terms with Jane now. we spoke from the SM Mall of Asia to LKG Tower. we talk about no one else but Irene. she's been really crazy lately, that's why.

this may be my last post for the month. my heart is broken, and so is my pocket. i'm gonna smoke my life away until the 25th. it's my start date for DELL. i think this video below is going to be the song i'd be singing in my head until i'm over the stupid heartache.

it's sobbing time

2006-09-16T15:27:00.000+08:00

i only have 1 week left in ACS. now i'm seriously contemplating the people and things i will miss. somehow i feel scared. what if i won't have friends in DELL? what if i won't like the working environment? what if i won't have friends? what if i'd regret this decision? though Irene's right. i shouldn't be thinking negative things. however anyone in my position i think would be. ACS is my "comfort zone." i love it there regardless of the meager pay. the people are warm and friendly. the management is very lax. the account is very easy and interesting. i have always wanted to work behind tv productions. and with this job, somehow that dream came true. it may seem very unlikely but it's really cool. now i'm going to go to another company. the pay is nice.. VERY nice. they're a bit strict which is very understandable. i may see several familiar faces there. the account is related to computers. it's no problem to me. but i will miss DIRECTV! *sob* *sob*

uhm?!?

2006-09-15T15:13:00.000+08:00

a lot of things have happened, it's really hard to keep up with this. but as much as possible i'd like to make this blog very updated, otherwise, some events will get lost in my head and they may not be shared for the rest of eternity.

uhm.

i promise i'll post "something" tommorow.

5anwich

2006-09-15T14:43:00.000+08:00

brushing elbows with Death

2006-09-05T17:35:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday i think i just had a conversation with Death. I've never been totally scared in my life until last Saturday.

It all started with a little lump on my neck. It wasn't all that evident but if you touch it you can feel it. Scared that it might grow to a very embarrassing size, i decided to visit Healthway in Market Market, where we can get free consultations. one of the job benefits.

After an ardous task of finding where Market Market is (a mall), i finally went face-to-face with the doctor. i was expecting a single, handsome doctor to make the bother all worth it. It turned out, he was a bit cute. sad thing is---he has a wedding ring. okay, so he felt my neck and instantly felt the lump i was talking about. he said it could be caused by 3 things: (1)an infection due to a cough; (2) i may have TB; (3) cancer. he said it casually so i never felt alarmed at all. at the back of my head i'm thinking maybe it's TB. i met up with an officemate of mine a month ago who was diagnosed of TB. Hmmm. until he decided he'd take a look at what's behind my NOSE. he had thin metal stick with a small light bulb at the bottom (which i then later realized it has a micro-camera on it too!) and opposite that is a tube that goes to a machine without a name. he also had this thing that looks like a scalpel; i had a feeling he'd stuck it inside my nose and he DID. he used some cotton with it to numb the insides of my VIRGIN unshaved nose. It felt cool. then he stuck that stick with a light bulb inside. imagine the feeling of being devirginized. that's how it felt. he did not only did it once but thrice!

after that he showed me the "nasal-pharengeal endoscopy" video as he called it. finally, i've seen what's behind my NOSE!

and he noticed that my right nasal-pharengeal tonsil is much much bigger than my left nasal-pharengeal tonsil. he was alarmed by this. and so was i. then the most painful part came, when he felt it necessary to take some samples of that tonsil. i have to endure the pain of him pulling off some flesh behind my nose. it hurt. damn it did---like hell! i was shaking after the second try. my tears fell and all. i saw the flesh on a test tube right thereafter. he said he was going to test it. i have to come back by Tuesday to verify if i was TB. it turned out i didn't have TB.

After that horrible stuff crossed my head. what if i don't have much time to live? what if i have cancer? what if? what if? what am i going to do? where am i going to go? how am i going to deal with it? the questions were neverending. it was just a tiny brush of the reality of DEATH. he's there. lurking. we'll never know when he'll come to take us.

chubby china

2006-09-05T16:43:00.000+08:00

Team Ram's Yuhoo Gang, Rey and Rommel!

YUMMY CHINA!

ain't it?

2006-08-31T16:22:00.000+08:00

i heard a strange song today. it goes like...

"my life is a whore
i'll always want more
gravity pulls"

by minus story

i feel so negative today. working environment sucks today. my officemates were trying their best to make the rift between me and jane disappear. i appreciate their effort but i guess it isn't a choice they make, is it? TSK! but i posed for the camera anyway. somehow i feel that i am looking through them now. i hate myself today.

Apol, a friend from college, also texted me today. she said she's 5 months pregnant. with all the pranks we made in college, i don't think she'd make me believe in this one. but it's possible. so i'm torn. i called her and there was no indication that it was a joke. but y'know how good we were then at this. we could go on for months making someone totally clueless that she/he's being spoofed. my reason that she may be serious can also be a reason that she's just spoofing me. so i don't know what to think. i can't sleep.

man, it's hard to sleep. i do feel sleepy. but somehow something crosses my mind and it bothers me. like the Jane ish' for example. ugh, it's like a rotten food in the freezer. my heart/mind as the freezer and Jane as the rotten food in there. it has a really foul odor now. i'd like to take it out but can't. or don't know how to. sometimes i think i'm so immature.

well, i guess i am. ain't i?