Katwo's CHANGES...

whow, i just don't sleep, do i? ha ha ha! i've been in front of this PC for 5 freakin' hours now. fidgeting and looking for interesting things i've missed since i was thinking of work all the time.. ugh.

so look what i've found.. Katwo's statement about NARDA's break-up.. and oh, i've included Katwo's blog on my links too, check it out.. (=

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changes, changes, and more changes. Mar 8, '07 7:00 AM

according to the fire pig's feng shui forecast for me, this year is about changes, massive ones that will shift my life, and all that i have to do (to at least avoid harboring the evil intent that underlies my luck) is to realize it and brace for it. i have been purposely avoiding emails, yms and journals for the past week because, for one, narda is disbanding. i guess everyone's spoken up about it except me. to be honest, i really don't know what we're doing. tani and chuckie - i think, are very upset, hurt and surprise by the seemingly sudden approach to breaking off the band. i'm getting terribly guilty on the fact that nico's efforts on making a video (molotov - the black and white version which is supposed to be airing now) and creating a wonderful album cover are now in vain, parang lost investment na rin. narda has been such a great experience for me, it has taught me so much about life and about who i am. and yet the end seems so bittersweet. and i've been looking back for the last week, and asking myself - what the hell went wrong? then i have a theory - some bands form because of a strong friendship before the music. narda existed because we wanted to play, friendship happened along the way. everyone, except for ryan, auditioned for a role to play. it was his baby, it was really his band. and i respected that - kasi he had a dream and he went on and did something about it. without him believing in me (and sacrificing certain relationships with other band members in the process), i won't stand a chance thinking that i could front an awesome band, or enjoy life in rock and roll as much as i do. i guess it was also my passion and ambition for a rock and roll dream that made me loyal to this dream, until eventually it became our dream. it was always music before friendship, and the others, i guess, didn't last enough to realize that some friendships get tried and just like wine, gets better with time.

and now, i see ryan getting tired, disillusioned and betrayed with yaps quitting on us, the damn boy didn't realize he was such an important person who held the team together, and why - kasi ok lang na humirit siya pero kung hiritan siya di niya kaya. yaps didn't even know how much ryan fought for him, and i will not apologize for calling that kid ungrateful, at the least, and he repays him by being immature. some groups, bands, communities thrive on democracy, narda has always been autocratic in a sense. sometimes when there are too many voices, too many choices - nothing gets done. i remember the jet lee movie where he was supposed to kill this emperor but at the last minute he decided against it cause he saw that the emperor was gonna unite china - i saw the beauty that, in some cases, - IT MAKES SENSE TO SACRIFICE YOUR OWN AGENDA for the good of all, as long as the dictator is benevolent, things make sense. respect and compassion are traits of a good leader, sa japan nung may mga samurai pa, the bushido code specifies that if you are a compassionate leader people will be proud to bow down and be obedient to you. and i've always been that to ryan, that i took his side, and been loyal to him and proud of it and stood by his decisions, even if it hurt me or it underminded me at times. but that's what it takes to be a good team, and sometimes things that i was against before - turned out good in the end. so why the hell this litany? because it hurts me to let go of narda, and yet to see my partner tired and gasping for air and losing interest in his passion hurts me even more. we've released music and entertained until we bled our body, soul and hearts, and yet - to both ryan and i, the NARDA in us is tired with disappointments, broken promises, immature behavior, betrayals and the lack of big label support to be played on the radio - whoever s/he is wants to retire while s/he's on top.

also, 5 years na rin. i would love to take some time off to get married, fix things with my family, just really focus on 27+20, reconnect with friends and take tai-chi sunday mornings (like wake-up not after lunch). i do want to resume narda, if ever the chance comes along, but only with a major label backing, after all - narda deserves that - at the least. then, there's duster and several collabs with other artists that i am looking forward to.

i am heartbroken yet relieved, and grateful for changes.


Katwo of NARDA
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