in a nutshell

only had about 4 hours sleep today. i paid our Meralco bill for the first time; now that's a breakthrough! hahaha! burned my lungs rightafter and i bought a ticket to the NU Rock Awards! I'm excited! Doc Nikki is also IN for some Saguijo or 6Underground gig this week. Damn, i miss Saguijo!

this morning though i think i cried before i went to bed. i thought life's cruel. hehe. so i didn't stop thinking about it. until i realized i shouldn't really think like that.

i suddenly remembered what Bryan told me when i broke the news last year that I and JK are back again, he said "If he's done it once, he'll do it over and over and over again" Back then i just couldn't understand why he's so against it. i didn't know he was right. i didn't believe him. why didn't i anyway? he's a man. he should know. it's what he does. Mistake #3. God i'm so stupid. i should have put a high regard to myself then.

YOU LIVE, YOU LEARN.

so i've decided not to dwell on that anymore. he's not WORTH it. he said i was unsupportive. *rolleyes* we have the almost the same interest. how can i be unspportive? as i looked back on the things i've done, not just for him but for Gibson or Jai, i think i fair quite great on the "supportive" side. when Jai write short stories, i've always been the first to read it and push him to publish it. when i was with gibson, i was always the first to look at the paintings he've done or the songs he've made. i don't know how i can be so unsupportive. i don't know how he can say that when i've always been his number one fan. he was my own Ely Buendia.

i think i have so much love to give. i can't waste my time on someone who doesn't appreciate that. i'm so thankful this happened. so thankful. i learned my WORTH when somebody made me feel WORTHLESS.

BTW, Gibson's writing songs again, he said. can't wait to go home! (and make babies!)